TV's Seven Deadly Sins

Reality-competition shows: "I'm going to win because my epic myopia leads me to believe that I want it and deserve it more than anyone else. Woo-hooo!"

Celeb-reality shows: "I find myself so intrinsically fascinating that I touchingly misguidedly believe that some cable network's viewers will do so, as well, and not just to laugh at my fatuity."

The Parents Television Council/The FCC: Because three people in possession of a million Email addresses does not a censorship movement make.

Save Our Show campaigns: If your show was worth saving, it'd have higher ratings in the first place.

Awards shows: Ah, the glamour! Ah, the utter forgettability! Ah, the - wait! Whoa, shiny, shiny objects!

Bill O'Reilly: "Because I'm always right, even when I'm wrong, which is most of the time. And I invite all points of view. Don't believe me? Shut up!"

Anime: Because whacking off to cartoons is just plain wrong.