Elmo: An American Hero

Hey, guess who’s fighting in Iraq? Elmo’s dad, that’s who!

A while back, the Children’s Television Workshop made a cheerful video entitled “When Parents Are Deployed,” hosted by Cuba Gooding, Jr. (who really seems way too happy in that photograph, for two reasons: he’s explaining to kids why their parents won’t be around, and he’s an Oscar winner reduced to doing underwear commercials). In it, Elmo’s hillbilly dad explains why Elmo won’t see him for a while and when he does, he won’t recognize him because he’ll be a husk of his former self. You need Windows Media or something to watch it, but I imagine it goes something like this:

Elmo’s Dad: Son, I have some news. I’m shipping off to fight in Iraq.

Elmo: But why, Dad? Hasn’t the military already accomplished its stated goal – to depose Saddam Hussein? And there’re no weapons of mass destruction for them to secure!

Elmo’s Dad (chuckling sadly): Son, you’re naïve in the ways of the world. I can’t quite explain to you the nuanced vicissitudes of why I’m needed in Iraq, since President Bush has hardly articulated them himself. But rest assured, I must go. I’ll see you in 15 months – if they don’t stop-loss me, that is.

Elmo: I’ll miss you, Dad. But look on the bright side: If your Humvee trips an IED, you don’t have any lower body to lose.