Further shocking revelations in Scott McClellan's "What Happened"

All Washington is atwitter over the fact that apparently, the word "atwitter" has reentered the vernacular. Well, that, and because of the highly unflattering portrait of the Bush Administration in former press secretary Scott McClellan's new book, "What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington's Culture of Deception."

Among the charges that have gotten the pundits all in a lather in the past couple of days: The White House fired up a "political propaganda machine" to mislead Americans on the need for war with Iraq; Bush saying he didn't remember if he used cocaine; and Karl Rove and Scooter Libby misleading McClellan about their involvement in smearing former CIA agent Valerie Plame. McClellan was on the "Today" show this morning defending the book, and will discuss it again this evening on "Countdown with Keith Olbermann."

But read the book closer, and there are even more astonishing revelations:

* Bush got all excited the first time he was told it was time for his morning PDB, because he thought it meant peanut butter and jelly sandwich and not Presidential Daily Brief.

* Bush's first act as president was to have The Official Decider Dart Board© installed in the Oval Office at a cost of $39.95 to taxpayers.

* Bush had a pet monkey, Mr. Scruffles, whom he allowed to issue executive orders every Tuesday.

* Mr. Scruffles once dressed up in an Alberto Gonzales costume and fooled everyone in the West Wing.

* Bush once tried to improve himself by reading "Finnegan's Wake," which resulted in the verbal malapropisms that plague him to this day.

* Comparisons of Dick Cheney to Darth Vader are inaccurate. He's more like a cross between Dean Wormer in "Animal House" and Al Pacino's character in "The Devil's Advocate."

* McClellan was startled and a little scared when he visited the East Wing to consult with the President on a matter after hours, and was greeted by Laura in a zippered cherry-red leather mask.

* Karl Rove had a Blofeld action figure from the James Bond movie series on his desk.

* When feeling down, President Bush cheers himself up by treating himself to a Beer Smoothie.

* Ann Coulter taught Bush everything he knows.