Do you watch TV? Then you must be old.

This is a story you'd expect to be a throwaway laugh in "Children of Men," but Variety reports today that the average age of a viewer on one of the broadcast networks is 50. Twisting the knife further, Variety's Michael Schneider adds, "If they were a person, they wouldn't even be a part of TV's target demo anymore." Ouch - in Hollywood, about the meanest thing you can say about someone is that they're old.

Kids today, we all know, spend all their time text-messaging and playing games on their cell phones and creating MySpace pages on the Internets and therefore are far too busy to watch television. Well, and the population itself is getting older (not that it's ever going to get younger).

CBS lived up to its reputation as the oldest-skewing network, with an audience with a median age of 54, followed by ABC (50), NBC (49), Fox (44) and The CW (34), which is at the high end of its target demo, 18-34. The median age in American households is 38.

Some older-skewing shows: CBS's "60 Minutes" with a viewer median age of 60, "Monk" on NBC at 58 (taken off the schedule and returned to USA), ABC's "Women's Murder Club" at 57 (cancelled) and Fox's "Canterbury's Law" at 55 (cancelled).

But not all old people go to bed early, as is their stereotype. Jay Leno's audience's average age is 54, David Letterman's is 53, "Nightline's" is 52, Jimmy Kimmel's is 50 and Conan O'Brien's is 46.

Fox News Channel has the oldest viewers of them all, with 65 the median age. No wonder they're always so cranky.