Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross' Five Stages of Coping with Heat

Can't take the heat? Here's what I did: I changed the location on the Weather widgit on my MacBook's Dashboard from Los Angeles (96 degrees) to Vancouver (66 degrees). Much better.

For those who can't live in an alternate reality, here are the five steps of coping with heat, as set forth in Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross' book, "On Heat and Melting."

Denial: It can't be this hot - Republicans say that global warming is a myth!

Anger: G@ddammit, it's blistering! I can't work in a f@%&ing sauna! Who can live like this? (Add your own Al Swearengen riff here.)

Bargaining: Please, God, just knock off five degrees. Five degrees, and at least I won't be sitting in such a big puddle of my own sweat.

Depression: I'm never going to accomplish anything today and then I'm going to lose my job and then I won't even have the shade provided by the roof over my head. I'm panting more than my dog - what's the point of going on?

Acceptance: Ah, well, at least I'm losing some weight, so at least I'll leave a slender dehydrated corpse.