"Get Smart" shouldn't be allowed to use the word "Smart" in its title
Check to see how many of these headlines accompany reviews of "Get Smart" when it opens tomorrow:
Sorry about that, moviegoers
Missed it by THAT much (only instead of two fingers a pinch apart, imagine two arms spread out wide)
Where's a Cone of Silence when you really need one?
(Yes, I know it's not the Cone of Silence, but it looks silly, and that's more important.)
86 Agent 86
No self-CONTROL
Would you believe ... ? No, you won't
You want to know what you can do with that shoephone of yours, Max?
Get Bent
Variety's review of "Get Smart," obviously written by a fan of the old TV show, quibbles with tweaks in tone and characterization, but kind of buries the lede (that's journalism jargon, not a misspelling, honest): It's just not funny. Now, the show hasn't aged all that well, but a serviceable remake would've been entirely possible had they, say, bothered to write some jokes instead of try to find places in which to not-too-awkwardly shoehorn in the show's sundry catch-phrases.
No blaming the cast - Steve Carell as Agent 86, Maxwell Smart, Anne Hathaway as Agent 99, Dwayne Johnson as Agent 23 (whose early amusing moments only underscore how much he's wasted otherwise) and Alan Arkin as The Chief - who do what they can and obviously would shine together in a competent production. But the script and direction are as inept as Max himself - there's scarcely any point in explaining the plot, aside from bad guys/good guys/turgid intrigue/goofy stunts/listless CGI (there's a skydiving sequence that I'm sure the filmmakers consider an homage to the one in "The Spy Who Loved Me" but pretty much just comes off as grand theft).
But what the film is really noteworthy for is its acid-drenched depiction of downtown Los Angeles' topography. The climactic chase sequence centers around a bomb planted at Disney Hall, and in the universe "Get Smart" inhabits (I suppose we should be grateful it's not ours), the surrounding downtown L.A. has an airport (!), what appears to be an oil refinery (!!) and, in some shots, few if any skyscrapers (!!!). It's that detailed attention to verisimilitude that makes "Get Smart" the half-@ssed hackery that it is.
Run, Steve and Anne! Run as far from this movie as your feet can take you!
About this blog
David Kronke was appointed Mayor of Television after a bloodless coup in 2000. Since then, he has improved infrastructure, championed greater educational opportunities and fought for reforms that have utterly erased corruption and incompetence from the television industry. Since Mr. Kronke has ascended to power, Television is a far better place.
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