There are so many ideas for fun and exciting TV shows out there, but here are the ones CBS opted to go with

EDITOR'S NOTE: CBS, in offering its screener of its fall 2008 pilots, noted that the episodes were "not for review." So let me make this as clear as I possibly can:

This is not a review. It's an impressionistic stroll through three random hours of my life, like "Howl" maybe, only if a TV critic had written it.

OK; now, that out of the way:

CBS got all avant-garde with us last year, with their musical-that-made-"Springtime-for-Hitler"-look-palatable "Viva Laughlin" and their children-as-indentured-servants-reality-atrocity "Kid Nation" and their naughty, naughty "Swingtown" (which got consigned to the summer and is in fact on tonight and is probably worth watching if you have nothing better to do and probably even if you do have something better to do). "Viva Laughlin" and "Kid Nation" tanked, of course, and then the network got nervous about "Swingtown" and so by dumping it in the summer set it up for failure but failed at that, as it did pretty well in its premiere, but that doesn't mean they'll be renewing it anytime soon even though Showtime should and should've had it all along.

So anyway, for the 2008 season, CBS has decided to play it safe. Which means:

* Another Jerry Bruckheimer production.

* Another crime procedural, only this one breaks all the rules because, you see, it's not produced by Jerry Bruckheimer.

* A sitcom about a likable divorced guy trying to negotiate that wacky, wacky singles world. (Aside: I was chatting with a friend in the industry recently, who told me she had lately been inundated with pitches that pretty much were this show with minor tweaks. She was sick sick sick, I tell you, of these pitches. But this trend does give us a pretty good idea of how Hollywood marriages are going these days.)

* A romantic comedy scheduled for Friday nights and aimed at all the women who don't have dates on Friday and therefore are stranded alone with their pint of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey, even though NBC and ABC have tried this in the past with "Miss Match" and "Men in Trees," respectively, with not much if any success, so apparently more women are getting dates on Friday night than the broadcast networks are assuming. (So maybe it's the men who aren't getting dates on Fridays...)

* Oh, and some other stuff.

No point in discussing "Eleventh Hour" (the Bruckheimer production) or midseason series "Harper's Island," because they were only available in trailer form. But allow us to take a "sneak peek," if you will (and even if you won't), at the other four new CBS series, and prepare to have your breath taken away, if not by the shows, if not by our thoughts on said shows, but maybe by the guy sneaking up behind you to punch you in the gut. Made you look, didn't we? (And at least give CBS credit for giving us a look at its upcoming shows; none of the other networks have bothered to do so.)

* "Project Gary:" Jay Mohr is Gary, a recently divorced guy with a shrewish ex-wife (Paula Marshall), the requisite kids and a budding relationship with a younger paramour named Vanessa (Jaime King). Clearly, the creators really truly sincerely understand women, which is why they have his crank of a bitter ex engaged, generously unmotivatedly, to their much-older former marriage counselor (Larry Miller, learning that roles for veteran comic actors are few and far between these days), and why they have Vanessa engage in a narratively necessary but logically unfathomable meltdown when she learns Gary has kids. Some one-liners boast the requisite zing. Some induce the expected groan. Hooking Gary up in the pilot with a vaguely empathetic character would seem to cut the show off at the knees as far as future potential comic incidents are concerned. Fine work all around!

* "Worst Week:" An engaged (and secretly pregnant) couple are about to reveal all to her disapproving parents but the guy is a(n ostensibly) lovable lout who can't help but to stumble into humiliating situations that only underscore the wisdom of her parents' disapproval. Based on a British series, "The Worst Week of My Life," that was actually funny (and didn't feature the pre-wedding pregnancy, which came in season two after the marriage and so is an odd addition here), only it lasted seven episodes a season and had each episode cover a day's time, which this show clearly won't, so what's up with the title? Why not "Worst Month?" Or "Worst Year?" Or "Worst Show?" Shot in single camera, which wouldn't be so bad except there are four-camera-sitcom-style punchlines that really need that four-camera-sitcom-style canned laughter, and when those chuckles don't come, my God do those jokes fall flat.

* "The Ex List:" Elizabeth Reaser stars as Bella, a too-pointedly named thirtysomething woman whom any reasonable person would be happy to hang out with - she's funny, something resembling funky, attractive, wears clothes nicely and seems to have a level head on her shoulders. Oh, wait, that's until she meets with a psychic who tells her that if she doesn't get married within the upcoming year, she'll die a spinster, and that her soul mate is actually someone she has already dated - and she believes it. So, really, she's stupid and easily manipulated, and any reasonable person would want to stay the hell away from her. The interaction between Bella and her friends is loose and fun, but the show's premise, well, ensures at the least that not many men will be watching.

* "The Mentalist:" Even though this is nearly a thoroughgoing steal from "Psych," it's CBS's most promising new show of the fall. Simon Baker may have finally found his star-making vehicle as Patrick Jane, a guy who once passed himself off as a celebrity psychic but who in reality is just really, really good at paying attention to and accurately interpreting details and body language and the like and so now he helps the cops solve crimes. And, yeah, a guy who just happens to be really observant is hardly much of a heroic figure, but as in "Psych," they have fun with the conceit, but unlike "Psych," they weigh Jane down with all sorts of psychic baggage, which, you know, whatever, and maybe there'll be a little frisson with his boss (Robin Tunney). Besides, it's in a prime position, Tuesday nights couched between "NCIS" and "Without a Trace," which CBS moved from its cushy Thursday night timeslot to try to revive its deadly fortunes at 10 p.m. Tuesdays, and they'll probably succeed at least a little, though its audience won't be nearly as big which means the network's weekly viewership numbers may actually drop a little even though they've revived a moribund timeslot, but that's not the type of inside baseball you come here for, is it.

So I'll stop now and tease upcoming posts: SOAPnet's crapfest "MVP," the theatrical crapfest "Get Smart" and something that is not a crapfest at all: Fox's new and pretty much unseen J.J. Abrams thriller, "Fringe."