Wally (the dog) v. "Wall-E"

If there's anything Hollywood does better than Keeping The Magic Alive, it's extravagantly expensive and salacious show trials. Art Buchwald v. Paramount Pictures, The People v. O.J. Simpson/Robert Blake/Phil Spector, Denise Richards v. Charlie Sheen, Decent Human Beings Everywhere v. Anthony Pellicano - all examples of the legal system re-imagined as performance art, of judicial history re-written as tragedy and farce simultaneously.

To which we will soon be able to add: Wally v. "Wall-E."

"Wall-E," of course, is Pixar's latest masterpiece, about a lone robot standed on Earth after all human life has vamoosed, tasked with mopping up the mountains of garbage that have been left behind. Wally, perhaps not-so-of-course-ly, is my dog. He's suing for copyright infringement (even he understands it's all about protecting the brand) and defamation of character.

Exhibit A: "Wall-E:"

Exhibit B: Wally:

Immediately, the similarities are plain: The same soulful eyes, the same stocky barrel-chest, the same daily existential grind plodded through in silence, the same philosophical disconnect with blinkered, obese and capricious consumers of material goods, the same inability to solve a Rubik's Cube.

The differences, however, are worrisome and constitute an attack on my dog's good name: Wally would never befriend a cockroach, as "Wall-E" does; he would chase it down and give a stern staring-at. And anyone who knows Wally would tell you that he's hardly an obedient automaton: Were he to be left alone for any period of time, the last thing he would do would be to tidy up. Also: not so much on the movie musicals.

So what if it's a frivolous lawsuit? Pixar has deep pockets, which should get deeper with this movie, which is one of the year's best and may be one of their most profound and heartfelt to date (which, of course, is saying something, though the question is how kids will respond to the film - it's quite possible their parents will love it while they'll only like it, rather than vice versa). Why not give Wally a taste of those riches?

At any rate, at this point the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences should just officially change the name of the Oscar for Best Animated Feature Film to the "Pixar."