Encyclopedia Brown and the Mysterious Case of the Single-Themed TV Press Tour Reporters

TV Press Tour is all but over. One of its most endearing traits is the predilection of certain reporters in the room to bang incessantly on one piano key, to ask questions that pursue their one interest or agenda. To that end, the writer from the sci-fi website corners the market on all the geeky questions, a gay blogger repeatedly queries why there aren't more gay characters on TV and someone on the God beat asks producers (usually of shows involving lots of science, or "science") how spiritualism figures in on their program. And, no Press Tour is complete without some yokel asking a bit player from their hometown if they have anything they'd like to say to the people of Scranton.

These folks have to do their jobs just like everyone else, but it never occurs to them to pose their questions during the post-session scrums, since the rest of those covering TeeVee in all its glory can't possibly use the quotes resulting from such specific questions in their stories.

Of course, I should talk. Your Mayor suffers from a herniated disk and, since there are no such things as ergonomic chairs at upscale hotels that host events like Press Tour, I am forced to wear a back brace for the duration. Needless to say, it's not much of a fashion statement - it looks like a cummerbund in search of a tuxedo (one colleague told me I looked like a matador; if only it looked that swashbuckling). For me, Press Tour is literally a pain in the ass.

(It even looks painful!)

Hence, in the midst of blinding, excruciating pain, I have become an advocate for the rights of spinal injury sufferers everywhere, and that has been reflected in the questions I posed in sessions this past Press Tour:

At the Hallmark Channel's press conference for "Expecting a Miracle:" "Does the miracle involve relieving someone of back pain? If so, I might watch it."

BBC America's "World News America:" "Is back pain a global phenomenon?"

MTV's "From G's to Gents:" "While the contestants are cleaning up their gangsta lifestyles, do they also manage to alleviate any back pain they might be suffering?"

History Channel's "Einstein:" "Did Einstein suffer from back pain? How did he treat it?"

Discover Channel's "Secrets of the Dinosaur Mummy:" "How would a dinosaur mummy treat a herniated disk in the L-4, L-5 region?"

Lifetime's "How to Look Good Naked:" "Is it possible to look good naked if you suffer from back pain?"

PBS's documentary on "The Chicago 10:" "Would the Chicago 10 have been able to be as effective in their protests had they suffered from spinal injuries?"

Fox's "So You Think You Can Dance:" "Can one dance if one suffers from debilitating back pain?"

Disney Channel's "The Cheetah Girls: One World:" "Do the Cheetah Girls have any special powers, like, say, the ability to alleviate spinal injuries?"

CBS's "The Mentalist:" "How does the Mentalist tell when people have back pain?"

NBC's executive session: "Why don't you do more shows about people who suffer from herniated disks? Have you conducted any research that shows you how many people would watch shows like that?"

Ladies and Gentlemen: Herewith, the First TV-related blog entry illustrated only with medical diagrams. Thank you for being part of history.