Hooray! TV Press Tour begins this week! And I withdraw into a three-week-long dark night of the soul!

With the advent of TV Press Tour, the young TV critic's mind is filled with thoughts of:

Which then fills my mind with thoughts of this:

Three weeks of people dishonestly and/or delusionally explicating how their fetid programming approaches new levels of genius and will change the face of television forever begin Tuesday! As an added bonus, the broadcast networks will offer ever more Byzantine explanations as to why they're not in all that much trouble, despite what you've heard.

I've already picked out the straight razor that will empty my veins when a straight-faced producer insists that his/her show is truly inventive and not just picked up by a network because it was cheap to produce! Visit here early and often for a front seat to what may be, thanks to Jesse Helms' recent death, America's vastest repository of ill-considered buffoonery!