"Mad Men:" The madness begins

At this point we've proven our allegiance to "Mad Men." But it's damnably hard to write about a good show if its creators don't want you to write about anything that happens in it. The first episode of season two, airing July 27, recently arrived, along with the following missive:

"We respectfully ask you to let viewers discover for themselves the pivotal storyline moments during 'MAD MEN'S' season two. We hope you agree that this is the best way for the audience to experience the full impact of the series, its nuances and dramatic revelations. We kindly ask that you not reveal these prior to the airing of each episode."

OK, sure, I can get behind that (spoiler: We're not in the spoiler business here), but what constitutes a "pivotal storyline?" Nonetheless, in keeping with AMC's no-spoiler request, here goes; here's what happens in episode one:

* Pete's (Vincent Kartheiser) wife helps him put on his cufflinks.

* Sterling Cooper gets a big ole copying machine the size of a Buick.

Well, that certainly sounds like a pulse-pounding episode, doesn't it?

So, since I can't share any spoilers on the second-season premiere, maybe I can provide further insight via spoilers on the images in the GAF ViewMaster gewgaw and its attendant image disks that accompanied the first-episode screener (last year, they sent a dress shirt with a lipstick smooch on the collar, which no doubt went over well with critics' wives).

Reel One: Bits from the title sequence. But not in 3-D, which is what those ViewMasters were all about.

Reel Two: Aphorisms from the first season: "Sometimes when people get what they want, they realize how limited their goals were" and "When God closes a door, he opens a dress." Again, not in 3-D, and good luck getting the thing to advance reliably from image to image, but Pete gets as lucky here as he pretty much got. (Is that a season-two spoiler? Probably not, but, if so, sorry!)

Reel Three: Ominous shots of characters, with even more ominous title cards (again, no 3-D, as you have to close an eye to be able to read the title cards, which read, variously (not to give any spoilers away): "Her mistake," "His desperation," "Her fantasies," "His fear" and so on.

My "mistake"/"desperation"/"fear"/"fantasy:" Thinking that quality is simply enough for a good show, that avalanches of hype are necessary mainly to get people excited about middling shows.

But, hey! "Mad Men" season one is out on DVD today! Get one for someone you want to sexually harass!