"Desperate Housewives:" "Maybe I don't deserve to be happy"

So "Desperate Housewives" leaps five years into the future tonight. Given the current state of our economy, it's reassuring to know that we all still even exist five years from now.

And so, anyway, tonight's episode catches us up, with the requisite arch narration: "Where did the time go? How did the children I once cradled grow up so quickly? ... How did that woman I saw every day in the mirror become someone I no longer recognize?" And, most importantly, Why is Mary Alice still narrating, given that she's been dead for years and doesn't even know these people anymore?

Truth be told, the five-year-leap isn't really necessary for most of the stories that unspool tonight. You already know many of the particulars: Susan (Teri Hatcher) lost Mike (James Denton); Lynette's (Felicity Huffman) kids have grown up to be @ssholes; Gaby (Eva Longoria Parker) has grown frumpy, as have her kids; Bree (Marcia Cross, who delivered the most insincere kiss in the history of insincere kisses at last week's Emmy ceremony) is insincere, albeit successful.

So tonight's episode riffles through these plot points, and largely uninterestingly, but - it grabs you, finally, at the end.

Edie (Nicollette Sheridan) is back, with a new husband, Dave (Neal McDonough, whose disquieting intensity really should've popped a long time ago with his turns in "Boomtown," "Band of Brothers" and "Minority Report," but inexplicably didn't). Dave's charismatic, he wins over the other desperate housewives in a moment of something resembling less than desperation - and yet, oh, well, you don't want to know, except that he should emerge as the star of this season.

Next week, the best storyline involves Lynette trying to connect with her son via his online profile at a social networking site, where he reveals more of himself than he does to his family, and she reveals more of herself that she does to her family and - well, as Denise Richards once said, it's complicated.

Long story short: I was bored for vast swatches of these episodes, but the moments that counted pretty much hooked me.

- "Desperate Housewives:" 9 tonight; ABC (Channel 7).