I'll just briefly mention the debacle of the Emmy ceremony hosts, and then we'll all promise to never discuss it again, OK?

Here's a slightly expanded version of something running in tomorrow's paper:

After the deadly opening featuring the five nominees in the Outstanding Host of a Reality Series category, it's safe to say the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences will go back to having someone with an actual sense of humor host the Emmy ceremony next year.

"American Idol's" Ryan Seacrest (who hosted solo last year), "Deal or No Deal's" Howie Mandel, "Dancing with the Stars"' Tom Bergeron, "Project Runway's" Heidi Klum and "Survivor's" Jeff Probst co-hosted the ceremony. After their opening segment, they remained largely in the shadows, appearing just long enough to introduce the celebrity presenter of the next trophy.

But the damage had already been done - the five's opening bit was a flat-footed disaster. Introduced by Oprah Winfrey, the five shuffled onto stage sheepishly. "Something I've learned from television - never follow Oprah," Seacrest said, awkwardly, to not much of a response.

"We feel like the step-child of television and we thank you for making us feel welcome," Mandel said, prematurely, as that welcome feeling would soon reveal itself to be all in his mind.

"We wanted to make this night special," Probst, well, lied. He, Seacrest and Mandel spoke over one another, then Probst confessed: "Two minutes in, we have nothing for you."

"Check the teleprompters," Seacrest said, assuring his audience that the five co-hosts couldn't be bothered to come up with something remotely entertaining for a vast worldwide audience.

"We are on Sarah Palin's bridge to nowhere," Mandel joked, wanly. "The government can't even bail us out of this."

After a little more busking, Probst announced, "By doing nothing, we have fulfilled our obligation," and he, Mandel and Seacrest fled the stage, leaving Bergeron and Klum alone. For some reason, William Shatner then joined them onstage, and Bergeron and Shatner tore off Klum's tuxedo, revealing a short little spangly number underneath. It was so embarrassingly leering that the lecherous, sexist '60s gents of "Mad Men" would've cringed.

The torpid opening received an instant pan from the evening's first winner, "Entourage's" Jeremy Piven: "What if I just kept talking for twelve minutes - what would happen?" he asked after a joke in his acceptance speech fell with a thud, then answered his own question in adding, "That was the opening!"

Backstage, Piven continued the thought: "I thought we were being punk'd. I was confused. It was like in 'The Producers' when they do 'Springtime for Hitler' - (you wondered,) 'What was actually happening right now?'"

Later, Probst, in accepting the first Emmy for Outstanding Host of a Reality Show, acknowledged their failure by addressing Jimmy Kimmel, who presented him with the trophy. Probst told Kimmel, "You tried - you told us the 'nothing' bit may not work, but we stuck to our guns."

And in the process nearly ruined the evening and underscored for millions of viewers just why they loathe reality TV so much.

The other asinine thing from the ceremony - which had to hurdle through the last few categories because it was running behind - was how it was padded with clips from old shows, ostensibly tied together from the theme of, uh, set design? Without, um, actual sets?

For no discernible reason, they trotted out clips from "Seinfeld," "Desperate Housewives," "The Simpsons," "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In," "The West Wing" and "M*A*S*H." Then someone from those shows would present an award (the "Laugh-In" cast yokking it up not just old-school but Jurassic-school about today's best TV comics - Stewart, Colbert, Maher - was especially distressing), except for "M*A*S*H," which inexplicably segued into Sandra Oh and Patrick Dempsey presenting an award. (Oh, I get it - they're all TV doctors. Idiots.) For the zillionth time: Why not scrap the bells and whistles dragging the production down and just focus on the awards?