Why does "90210" hate America?

So The CW premiered "90210" last night without letting any critics seeing it beforehand, and insisted that they weren't hiding anything from anyone, and maybe that was true but usually it's not, and the new show is clearly aimed at people who grew up on the original show but haven't grown up a smidgen since then.

And so:

The first line of dialogue in the show was: "This sucks."

And within five minutes, we saw a guy getting a blow job in his Beverly Hills car outside a Beverly Hills high school. He then protested, "I'm not that guy," and then showed up at a party and then at the Santa Monica Beach, surfing, in a time frame that'd make "24's" Jack Bauer's traversing the Southland's time-space continuum seem palatable.

And the show's colorful granny (Jessica Walters) got to deliver lines like: "Just grab unto those jewels and twist them like a garbage bag" and "I need to finish my memoir before my friend Virginia - we've slept with all the same people." Sometimes, these lines are utter non sequiturs.

Other lines of note: "It's like the Oscars and everybody's Scarlett Johansen;" "You'll learn to dig me; trust me;" "Where's your boyfriend - the cow?"; "I could drive you home and we could swap stories about Harry's penis;" and "Ty Collins is into you - you should be into Ty Collins."

And bad girls behaved badly and bad boys behaved even worse, and the fresh faces from Kansas were kinda overwhelmed but basically weren't, and everyone was f@%&in' hot, and looked like someone 10 years older than they were supposed to be, and the local CW affiliate promoted the living sh!t out of it, interviewing cast members mid-show and even desperately promising more cast-member interview in its subsequent newscast, and it wasn't awful but it wasn't anything approaching good, either, despite the executive producers' insistence that it wouldn't be a "guilty pleasure," which is all it could ever hope to be.

And it seemed like there were an insane number of commercial breaks, and an unscientific poll (looking at a nearby digital clock) suggested that the longest commercial break (six minutes) was longer than the shortest stretch of actual showtime (four minutes). And, anyway, what was up with that ad featuring the Domino's Pizza gangsta penis penne?

This was what America was highly anticipating? No wonder people are jazzed about Sarah Palin.