Tales of three fat guys

Ricky Gervais, having conquered America with - uh, "Ghost Town?" - (no, wait, he has a stand-up special on HBO on the 15th) is floating his name to host our American awards specials. He tells TV Guide (on newsstands Thursday) that he'd be happy to host the Emmys (with Steve Carell and maybe Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert) - given that his appearance during the last Emmycast was one of the few notable moments in that whole godforsaken evening, maybe that's not such a bad idea - and that the Oscars are in play, as well:

"It's mainly a rumor. But apparently my agents did get a few calls asking if I'd be interested. As far as I can make out, I'm on the list. ... I'd seriously think about it. The Oscars is obviously the biggest world stage, isn't it? So, it's a double-edged sword: First, I'd be absolutely flattered. Then, I'd also have to consider whether I was the best person for the job. Because what I don't want to be is The Worst Host Ever."

(Ricky Gervais will absolve the entertainment industry of its sins.)

Adult Swim is looking for someone to play Carl in an upcoming live-action episode of its cartoon "Aqua Teen Hunger Force." To be a credible Carl, you must be portly, hairy everywhere except on the top of your head and a shameless, vulgar lech. I imagine the competition will be fierce.

Download your video audition at the link above.

(Are you as gross as this guy? If so, I hope you're not proud of the fact.)

Finally, on Friday KCRW will present Van Morrison's first live concert webcast during his performance at the Hollywood Bowl. They'll present the first set; Morrison's second set will feature his classic album "Astral Weeks," which is now 40 years old (but is still telling everyone it's only 39), in its entirety for future release as a CD/DVD.

KCRW warns that it will not archive this performance, so you'll have to drop everything and catch it live at the link above.

(Van the Man, in all his effervescent grumpiness.)