A&E's pest-removal reality show "The Exterminators" inspires many gravely irritating thoughts

Now, if a movie were called "The Exterminators," you'd know immediately what you were in for: A medium-budget romp featuring anonymous ripped, monosyllabic behemoths with huge artilleries shooting the sh!t out of everything in sight while speedmetal screams on the soundtrack, with copious amounts of blood spattering in slo-mo and shell casings rattling on the pavement in glorious Dolby Stereo. Not for everyone, maybe, but it'd be a satisfying if idiotic entertainment for 14-year-old boys whose fingers were recovering from repetitive-stress syndrome after playing their first-person shooter videogames too much.

(OK, so the movie probably wouldn't star these guys.)

But if, say, you were to learn that "The Exterminators" is not coming soon to a theater near you and is, in fact, a reality show airing soon on A&E - the network that gave us "Parking Wars," a reality show about meter maids handing out parking tickets (no, really!) - then your first inclination might be to try to conjure up that imaginary cast of the hypothetical film version of "The Exterminators" and send them to A&E's offices to seek a righteous, wrathful vengeance approximating any random blood-and-shell-casings scene from the movie upon any executive who had any hand in green-lighting a show about pest removal.

Yes, here's an actual press release that traversed my Email basket today:

"A&E's new original real-life series 'The Exterminators,' premiering January 7, 2009 at 10:30pm ET/PT, follows Billy Bretherton and his family who make up Vexcon, one of Louisiana's busiest pest removal companies, as they balance family life with the drama of running a successful business together. 
The 13-episode half-hour series follows the Vexcon team in their search and rescue efforts to rid clients of their most extreme pest cases, while also taking care to release as many animals as possible back into the wild. The company handles all types of removal and in the swamps of Louisiana that means big business - from colonies of ants to giant snakes, Billy and his team have seen it all. ...

"Keeping it all in the family, Billy runs Vexcon with partner and wild card brother Rick, droll and matter-of-fact dad Bill, office manager and feisty tempered mom Donnie and beloved wife Mary. Whether it is a giant 8-foot alligator walking down an affluent street, baby raccoons inside the wall of an office, 70,000 bats who call a stadium home or a wild pet-eating bobcat, Billy and his family get the job done with skill, energy and humor that will keep even the most squeamish viewer along for the ride."

Jeez. Cypermethrin must be blowing through the air-conditioning ducts at A&E. How else to explain how they might possibly think this'd be must-see TV?

Coming up soon on A&E: "Insurance Actuaries!"