Haven't written that Oscar acceptance speech yet? Denis Leary is here to help you out

Variety offers an all-purpose Oscar-acceptance speech, as written by "Rescue Me" co-creator and star Denis Leary. Here's a taste:

"I just wanna say that -- acting is -- so ... awesome. It's just such an incredibly - awesome - thing - to do! It touches people and it makes people - change - and grow and cry and laugh and -- feel ... stuff! And stuff is so -- important. And - it ... encompasses. Us. All of us. And I love acting because now I will be able to do the kind of work I've always dreamed of doing which will reach and touch and help people and -- make them smell better. Cause when I get a new perfume contract - a really really classy one that smells really really good but different too! And I wanna help people with their hair and do one of those beautiful slow motion hair commercials that look so luscious and I wanna help George Clooney with the Darfur stuff and the anti-paparazzi thing but -- and, um -- last but in absolutely no way least -- to my partner, to my costar in life and love -- who will probably leave me for The Next Big Thing in about eighteen months after I've squandered whatever tiny bit of sparkle and power I may appear to have at this very moment by doing six overblown gimungous box-office bombs that leave three studios and eight agents left for dead in my wake, but tonight my sweet -- I love you."