"House:" "I can't die now - I haven't been happy yet"

Now that "House" has reached its 100th episode - it airs tonight - its writing staff has gotten around to wondering, just what is important in life? (Aside from reaching that elusive 100th episode, which ensures a series a long, lucrative life in syndication.)

("We lost the patient, doctor. Perhaps you should've been wearing scrubs and rubber gloves for this procedure.")

Our patient of the week is a former renowned cancer researcher, who collapses during a cooking class. She explains she abandoned her practice when she was on the operating table and realized, well, see the headline above.

"Can't you buy an overpriced German sports car and have an affair?" Thirteen (Olivia Wilde) asks.

"My sports car is doing what I want when I want," she explains.

Which gets House (Hugh Laurie and his team) to discuss and debate happiness. Is it a fulfilling job? Personal freedom? Being in love? Tweaking crystal meth like a caged rat with a pellet-dispensing button? Someone asks House if he's happy; he replies, "Does it show?"

The requisite complications ensue when the patient is discovered to have scratched right through the skull, revealing brain matter. That's even possible? Not with my fingernails. Soon, she's bleeding out her eyes and nose.

("You know, I don't think we're ever going to cure a patient as long as we keep posing for these publicity stills.")

Again, the patient's woes are set aside for stretches of narrative time to focus on the travails of the main characters. House and Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein) are in a little p!ssing match - she's bitter that he's insisted on her working, so that she can't spend time with her adoptive baby. (Years from now, she'll thank him for keeping her from her petulant teen.)

She contrives to shut down the elevators when he arrives at the hospital, forcing House to limp up the stairs. "Why do you think the elevators are out to get me?" he asks her. "You've officially dragged me down to your level," she tells him. Well played, House!

Meanwhile, the relationship between Thirteen (Olivia Wilde) and Foreman (Omar Epps) is exacerbated by her experiencing complications from the clinical trial he placed her in in an effort to save her life, which kind of takes the air out of booty calls.

It's kind of touching that "House" finally got around to wondering what makes its characters happy, though the rest of us at this point would answer that question with a simple, "Not being a hobo - yet."

- "House:" 8 tonight, Fox (Channel 11 in L.A.).