The lonesome death of broadcast television, as manifested by the life cycle of a generic sitcom entitled "Surviving Suburbia"

("Surviving Suburbia" can only be seen on a television console like this. And, you'll need to get the digital conversion box.)

Once upon a time, The CW, a scrappy, essentially non-existent television network, decided that programming its primetime schedule was a bit of a hassle. "Why bother?" wondered the well-heeled executives at The CW. "It's not like anyone will bother to watch the shows, anyway."

That's what's known as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So The CW turned its Sunday-night programming bloc over to a consortium known as Generic Media, or thereabouts, and that company proved good to its word, slapping together and churning out some tepid, eminently forgettable shows that, indeed, no one watched and that The CW cancelled within a few weeks, which is saying something, because The CW rarely cancels anything; they just let their shows sputter along, alone and unwatched and unloved, until the series order plays out and the showrunners themselves plead for the sweet release that death brings.

Ah, but here's the plot twist - The CW cancelled Generic Media's Sunday programming so quickly that one of the shows scheduled to appear in that bloc, a sitcom generically entitled "Surviving Suburbia," never even managed to get on the air. So you know it had to have been good. America was spared having to be exposed to this abomination.

But wait! "Surviving Suburbia" just happened to star Bob Saget, who is actually very funny (see "The Aristocrats" if you don't believe it) when he's not actually on TV, and the ABC Television Network has a "relationship" with Mr. Saget, and the ABC Television Network was hurting for programming because of the writers strike.

(Mr. Saget in happier, more-innocent-headshot days.)

So the ABC Television Network, demonstrating a sense of responsibility akin to that of Homer Simpson's work at Springfield's nuclear power plant, picked up the 13 episodes of "Surviving Suburbia" and will foist them upon an unsuspecting America come April.

Here are actual words from ABC's press release:

* "Cookie cutter"

* "Steve maintains a rather cynical point of view on family, friends, neighbors, society ... as he tries to survive suburban life."

* "Why do kids' classroom projects inevitably become the parents' responsibility?"

(The subtle message Mr. Saget is attempting to impart to America with "Surviving Suburbia.")

In short: A show not good enough for The CW is coming to ABC.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.