They grow up so fast, SpongeBob SquarePants edition

SpongeBob SquarePants is celebrating his 10th birthday; hooray and all that. But Nickelodeon is commemorating the sea sponge's decade of daffiness, naturally, by pushing a huge glut of toys out onto the market, where they'll sit on store shelves because no one has any money anymore.

And a couple of their new offerings sound downright naughty. For example:

SpongeBob ShakyPants! "SpongeBob can sense how you move him, and he laughs so hard that you can feel the funny - even his eyes go all wild! Slow down, so SpongeBob can catch his breath..."

Barbie® Loves SpongeBob "Barbie® doll shows she's a big fan of the sea-dwelling sponge ..."

Actually, it looks like this:

But couldn't they have called it "Barbie® Really Just Adores SpongeBob" or "Barbie's® A Big Fan Of SpongeBob" and spared me that gruesome image of anatomically-impossible-airhead-on- Amphimedon-queenslandica action now burned into my retinas?