Jimmy Kimmel: Sorry there's no party this year - we're focusing less on the after-party and more on developing shows that aren't "Cavemen." Sundry NBC-bashing. TVs are bigger, kids are fatter, gas has never been more expensive - if we can't get people to watch TV under those circumstances we should all be executed gangland-style. We're very excited about all both of our new shows.
Mike Shaw, President, ABC Sales and Marketing: Cliché, cliché, cliché, cliché, television is better than ever, C3, HUTs, more TV-sales jargon, we've created a formula involving actual numbers that shows that everyone on the planet watches ABC and no one watches anyone else and here are those numbers though we're keeping the formula strictly under wraps, just trust us and after all would a salesman lie? (He was like John Lahr's cable-TV executive in that DirecTV commercial - "I went to business school, where I read a book - about business school.")
Stephen McPherson, President, ABC Entertainment: We started out strong last fall. Too bad that whole writers strike thing utterly emasculated us. New shows? We don't need no stinking new shows! What? OK, here're two.
"Opportunity Knocks:" They build a set on a suburban street somewhere and have neighbors participate in some vaguely embarrassing competitions: (to a kid) "You have 45 seconds to trash your sister's room and find her diary." Ha! She doesn't even have a diary! This is the post-literate society, remember?
"Life on Mars:" Looks exactly like the British version, which as we've said was great, except the actress playing the ladycop doesn't have dark hair. Otherwise, like, even the same camera angles and color schemes. Colm Meaney and Lennie Clarke are in it. Except, as we've noted, it's going to be produced by the talent-deficit-disorder-suffering team that created "October Road," so prepare to have your heart broken.
Stephen McPherson: Well, that's it - what? We have some more time? Oh, well. Hmm. Well, here's a glimpse at some stuff we're developing that may or may not actually make it on TV.
"Four Play:" "Will & Grace" creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick busk for the cameras, explaining how their new comedy will be like nothing on TV. They're kind of kidding, but they also kind of want to believe it.
"The Goode Family:" Mike Judge explains his new cartoon show, which will be a midseason replacement, about a way too politically correct family. Could be funny; can't tell from the clip.
"In the Motherhood:" An online show starring Jenny McCarthy, Leah Rimini and Chelsea Handler (who looks a lot like Jenny McCarthy - do they accidentally do each other's lines on the set?) that has contests and people like you can write story ideas for the online show but they probably won't let you write for the real show because that's what professionals are for.
Stephen McPherson: Well, thanks for com--What? We still have more time? Jesus. Watch these clips from the summer reality shows we've slapped together.
Oh, hooray, "The Mole" and "The Bachelorette" are back! And they have something clunkily called "I Survived a Japanese Game Show," as well as something that looks precisely like a Japanese game show only it's called "Wipeout." It features people who look like they're bred at a special facility designed specifically to create lummoxes who'll be willing to appear on shows like this and make utter fools of themselves, doing belly-flops into mud-filled ponds. But it is kind of funny - for the duration of the clip, at least.
Stephen McPherson: Seriously, dude, we're completely tapped out. We'll play ourselves out (hey, Bill O'Reilly, remember that phrase?) with this unrevealing clip from an upcoming episode of "Lost." Thanks for coming. Give us money.
]]>The show, which was cancelled then resurrected last year, only to air to abysmal ratings this winter and spring, will come back yet again as an ABC midseason replacement series.
But then, thanks to the writers strike, ABC didn't have a lot of stock on its shelves to tout when it makes its upfront presentation in about an hour. So "Jim" - which at this point will need a stake planted through its heart to keep from returning to terrify audiences anew - and poaching "Scrubs" from NBC was about as much as ABC could offer advertisers in terms of bells and whistles.
I'm off to watch the satellite feed of the upfront and will report back later today. In the meantime, here's the story for tomorrow's paper about ABC's fall 2008 schedule:
ABC kept its upfront presentation unveiling its fall 2008 schedule short and sweet on Tuesday, mainly because the network didn't have many new shows to introduce.
In introducing a schedule with so few changes, network entertainment president Stephen McPherson touted ABC's "incredibly stable schedule, a schedule that dominated in the fall. We were winning (in the ratings) until the strike."
Only two new shows will join the schedule come fall. "Life on Mars," an adaptation of the British series about a police detective who, after an automobile accident, finds himself back in the 1970s, where swaggering machismo is the order of the day in the police precincts, is the lone scripted addition. "Opportunity Knocks," a reality series created by Ashton Kutcher in which a game show is taken out into the streets for contestants in a neighborhood to play, was also added.
New midseason shows include "The Goode Family," an animated series from Mike Judge ("King of the Hill") about a stringently politically correct albeit inept family, and an untitled beauty-pageant reality series from Kutcher and Tyra Banks. ABC has also scheduled the medical comedy "Scrubs," which heretofore had aired on NBC, for midseason. "Lost," "The Bachelor," "According to Jim" and ABC News' "Primetime" will all also join the schedule at a later date.
McPherson stated that additionally, the network has 17 more pilots that are still in development, some of which will appear some time in 2009, but didn't elaborate on what they might be. "We don't feel comfortable picking stuff up until it's been fully developed," he said.
That "Boston Legal" and "Eli Stone" are returning was considered something of a surprise, since neither show was expected to return. "According to Jim" also returns despite anemic ratings - it was almost cancelled last year, as well. Their returns can be attributed to fallout from the writers strike, which prevented more new shows from being developed in a timely manner.
Departing series include "Big Shots," "Men in Trees," "Miss Guided," "Cashmere Mafia," "Carpoolers" and "Cavemen."
ABC's fall 2008 schedule (* indicates new show; ** indicates new timeslot):
Monday
8:00 p.m. "Dancing with the Stars"
9:30 p.m. "Samantha Who?"
10:00 p.m. "Boston Legal" **
Tuesday
8:00 p.m. "Opportunity Knocks" *
9:00 p.m. "Dancing with the Stars the Results Show"
10:00 p.m. "Eli Stone" **
Wednesday
8:00 p.m. "Pushing Daisies"
9:00 p.m. "Private Practice"
10:00 p.m. "Dirty Sexy Money"
Thursday
8:00 p.m. "Ugly Betty"
9:00 p.m. "Grey's Anatomy"
10:00 p.m. "Life on Mars" *
Friday
8:00 p.m. "Wife Swap" *
9:00 p.m. "Supernanny" *
10:00 p.m. "20/20"
Saturday
8:00 p.m. "Saturday Night College Football"
Sunday
7:00 p.m. "America's Funniest Home Videos"
8:00 p.m. "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition"
9:00 p.m. "Desperate Housewives"
10:00 p.m. "Brothers & Sisters"
So in the meantime, Variety indulges in its annual speculation and scooping as to what shows might be making it to the air come fall and what might not be returning ("Boston Legal" has apparently dodged a bullet, while the creators of Fox's "Back To You" will go back to the drawing board.) Given that the writers strike pretty much scrapped pilot season, drastically reducing the number of potential new shows, here's how bad things are for ABC: They haven't outright cancelled their low-rated new series "Miss Guided" and "Eli Stone."
So what may be turning up? A lot of shows based on shows from overseas.
* ABC's got "Life on Mars," based on a terrific British TV series about a police detective whose partner is kidnapped when he's hit by a car ... and wakes up in the macho '70s, where cop precincts were modeled after "Starsky & Hutch." It was developed for the network by David E. Kelley, but that's where the good news ends. The bad news is the original series only went 16 episodes, less than one season of American TV; to keep it afloat, they'll pretty much have to ignore all the stuff about his efforts to return to the present day and save his partner. Worse, ABC is said to be handing the show over to Josh Appelbaum, Andre Nemec and Scott Rosenberg - the guys behind the god-awful "October Road." So don't expect any character motivations to make an ounce of sense.
ABC has also ordered an animated series from Mike Judge ("King of the Hill," "Beavis & Butt-head"), "The Goode Family, and a reality show, "Opportunity Knocks," in which a game show comes to an unsuspecting contestant's home. ABC may be ramping up production quickly for midseason, so it can rid itself of the "Eli Stones" of its schedule in a timely fashion.
* CBS has reportedly ordered six new shows, including two new sitcoms for a second sitcom bloc on its schedule. Sitcoms include "Worst Week," based, again, on a very funny (but intentionally limited to 17 episodes) British series about a couple's disastrous wedding preparations (ABC's "Big Day" mined this territory a couple seasons back; it got cancelled), and "Project Gary," starring Jay Mohr as a divorced father re-entering the dating world.
CBS dramas may include "The Ex List," based on an Israeli TV show about a woman who's told by a psychic that she's already met Mr. Right (if she pays attention to tarot cards, she gets everything she deserves), and "Eleventh Hour," adapted from a British iteration of "The X-Files" and produced, inevitably, by Jerry Bruckheimer. Also possibly on tap: "The Mentalist," which isn't based on an overseas show but does sound suspiciously like an unfunny version of "Psych," and "Harper's Island," a murder-mystery-at-a-wedding drama that'll probably be too serialized to succeed.
* Fox, as we've previously noted, has Joss Whedon's "Dollhouse" and J.J. Abrams' "Fringe" up for midseason. It'll add the comedies "The Inn," about a trendy Manhattan hotel from an "Arrested Development" writer (the pilot was directed by "AD's" Jason Bateman) and "Class Dismissed," an animated show based on a British show that was adapted by "AD's" Mitch Hurwitz (and features Bateman's vocal talents) but won't likely benefit from his input on a daily basis. Are you clear on all that "AD" cross-pollination?
* Oh, and The CW has some stuff going on, including that "Beverly Hills, 90210" rehash and a last-second reprieve for "Reaper," but you know, it's just hard to care.
But you know what? None of this matters, because ...
On top of all this, word comes that the networks have little faith in the palliative negotiating abilities of AMPTP's Nick Counter and are indeed bracing for an actors strike. In which case, scratch all this and get ready for the uproarious raucous reality show "Funny Dogs in Hats."
]]>This, I believe, is the demo reel that got him the gig at Fox News.
(Oh, and some of the comments below the clip are amusing, as well.)
]]>So here's what NBC did do today:
* Announce, as expected, that Jimmy Fallon will replace Conan O'Brien on "Late Night" in 2009. Trumpeted the press release: "Jimmy is more than just a likeable guy and a great comedian, he is genuinely interested in what people have to say."
* Announce a new reality-competition-dating show from the criminally underworked Ryan Seacrest: "Momma's Boys," about "a group of mothers who must help choose the perfect bride for their complacent sons ... Conflict results when numerous mothers and their eligible bachelor sons are housed together with several 'brides-to-be.' As the tension mounts, viewers will watch the controlling mothers search for their son's perfect mate." Or won't watch, as the case may be. But more: "Some of the possible brides are 'nice girls' - while others might not be as appealing to the mothers. As expected, rivalries are formed, drama mounts and emotion builds as crucial choices must be made."
So - this is "The Bachelor," only the mother picks the woman for her "complacent" son? No "Bachelor" has ever tied the knot, but that track record will seem positively honorable compared to this show's.
Seacrest ponied up the requisite press-release quote: "I am a true Momma's Boy. She is the most important woman in my life [way to stoke those rumors, Ryan!] and she is never short of opinions. This series throws Mom right in the middle of all the drama. It's loud, it's wild and it's real." Yeah, "loud" and "wild" is the direction you want to go in when making one of the most important decisions in your life.
* Announce a product-placement partnership with an automaker for its upcoming show, "My Own Worst Enemy," about a guy with a double life as a staid business- and family man and a spy. The spy'll drive a cool car and the other guy will drive a boring minivan or something and every driving scene will end with the car's grill stopping right at the camera so you can see the automaker's logo. NBC has a similar deal with another automaker for "Knight Rider." NBC is also in talks with the producers of their upcoming shows about Robinson Crusoe and Merlin to see if they can't work cars into a deserted island and Arthurian England.
Meanwhile, NBC uberlord Jeff Zucker spoke to TV Week about the future of television, and apparently, schedules and ratings aren't important anymore:
Zucker: "And it's not about the scheduling. I think this is the point that some of our competitors have missed. It was more about the dialogue that we began with these advertisers and agencies. In this world where it's much more complicated than just buying a 30-second commercial, the conversation is so much more complicated. The extra time to have these conversations has proved to be invaluable."
More Zucker: "(W)e're not going to knee-jerk change schedules just because the ratings aren't what somebody else expected them to be. It's really not just about the ratings anymore. It doesn't mean the ratings aren't still important. ... (W)e're managing for margin, not for ratings. So it's the expense of our shows, the consistency of our shows being on the schedule. It's not determined by the size of the ratings, because the size of the ratings of a show we cannot afford is not going to do us any good anymore. This is not because we do not have the outsized hits that we once did. This is because we are in a different environment where the difference between the first (place) and fourth (place) or second and third is incredibly minimal."
So NBC is arguing that if a show is cheap enough to produce and doesn't lose them money, they'll tally it up as a success, particularly if they're cozy enough with advertisers to stick some product-placement in the mix. NBC was the network that in the early '90s announced that it would no longer worry about total viewers but only those in the target demographic, viewers aged 18-49. The rest of the industry went along with them. Now, NBC's trying to change the rules again, but they're not exactly in the same position of power to get the industry to follow along this time.
We'll look at other TV issues confronting this week's upfront later this afternoon. Unless, you know, I die. Which I don't foresee happening, but you never know.
]]>Which brings us to tonight's episode, "House's Head," mainstream TV's equivalent of an art-house movie. It opens with House getting a lapdance in a strip club but not sure why (well, if you have to ask, fella...). Turns out he has a pretty serious scalp wound, and just fragments of memory of seeing someone exhibiting symptoms of a serious malady - but who? And where? And when?
He exits the gentlemen's establishment - that's what they call them, right? even though a real gentleman wouldn't be caught dead in one? - and around the corner, there has been a grisly bus accident, one that House somehow simply strolled away from to go to the strip bar, which somehow was so insulated that no one within was aware of the conflagration not a hundred yards from its front door.
Oh, well; these things happen on TV shows. From there, however, tonight's installment of "House" becomes a medical mystery where no one without brain damage is sure that there's actually anything to solve. House is driven to a worrying extent to find the person he may or may not have seen and save them. "Why does this matter so much?" he's asked, to which he can only respond, "I don't know."
Throughout the episode, House noodles around inside his own psyche, remembering bits of minutiae that may or may not be important. Details are sketchy - he recalls visiting a bar, but the bottles there are generically labeled "LIQUOR" OR "BEER." The bus driver is initially considered to be the afflicted person House witnessed before the crash. Wilson's (Robert Sean Leonard) girlfriend (and House's former charge) Amber (Anne Dudek) pops up in his semi-hallucinations, leading Wilson to believe that House is sweet on her. One of the pre-commercial patient collapses is that of House himself. A cool beauty who wasn't actually on the bus appears and reappears in House's internal dramas. Artful lighting dances about House's face as he tries to make sense of all of this.
All this is prelude to next week's episode, the fourth-season finale. For a show that, if anything, may be more rigidly structured than even all those crime procedurals, "House's" writers do find inventive ways to break from the formula.
And for "House" fans who've always wanted to see Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein) perform a pole dance, your episode has arrived.
- "House:" 9 tonight; Fox (Channel 11).
]]>And here's the story:
Traditionally, the May upfronts, in which broadcast networks unveil their fall schedules to advertisers and media journalists in New York City, have been a weeklong party. The presentations offer spectacle, comedy, music (The Who once performed for CBS) and a cavalcade of stars from each networks' programs, followed by lavish parties with alcohol flowing copiously.
This year, as the networks reveal their fall schedules over the upcoming week, the mood won't exactly be funereal, but it'll be far less celebratory than in the past. Every network except, perhaps, Fox is expected to take hits in advertising revenue next season.
Only Fox and CBS will offer traditional upfronts, though CBS's may offer fewer bells and whistles than usual. NBC, whose executives decried the expense involved in mounting upfronts and have anyway already unveiled a tentative schedule spanning from fall 2008 through summer 2009, will instead focus on touting NBC Universal's cable and online offerings for advertisers.
ABC will reveal its 2008-09 plans in a short, frill-free presentation with no party. The CW, coming off a disastrous second season, will forego an upfront altogether, opting only for a cocktail reception during which it will sketch out its plans for next season. (For one thing, it has abandoned Sunday night, opting to rent its airtime to a media conglomerate that will create programming and sell advertising.)
Tally up another victim of the writers strike. After the loss of original scripted programming played havoc with the networks' winter schedules and resulted in widespread viewer attrition - which wasn't reversed once new episodes of series returned - the networks are looking to cut corners wherever they can.
Moreover, the strike cut into pilot season, during which new shows are developed, so the networks have significantly less with which to titillate advertisers than in the past.
So at a time when the networks need strong programming to lure back viewers who have strayed, they have precious little to whet their desire to return. Not to mention the possibility of an actors strike this summer, which no one in the TV industry wants to contemplate.
"The fact that we broke viewers of their viewing habits will, in all likelihood, carry over into next year," concedes Preston Beckman, Fox's executive vice president of strategic program planning and research. "But it's like the baseball strike - if we have a couple of compelling new hit scripted shows ... on the broadcast networks this season, it'll reenergize viewers to network TV."
He adds, "Given that we were all kind of behind the eight-ball this year, I don't know if you'll see new programming on in the fall, but by the end of the season, a couple of quality scripted series will remind people why they've always watched broadcast television."
It may not be quite that easy. Marc Berman, ratings analyst for Mediaweek magazine, declares, "There's no reason to think that people will rush back after being away for three months. You can't mess with an audience. And even before the strike, the networks were still down. There were no big new hit shows this past season, nothing worth noting. In fact, we haven't seen any really big hit shows since the 2004 season [when 'Lost,' 'Desperate Housewives,' 'House' and 'Grey's Anatomy' all debuted]. And a lot of the veteran shows are losing steam."
Indeed, TV's most popular scripted shows - "Desperate Housewives," "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation," "Grey's Anatomy," "House," "Lost" and "Heroes" - all hemorrhaged millions of viewers this season. Each of the networks lost about 10 percent or more of their audience since last season in terms of overall viewers and target demographics, though Fox has fared the best (or, lost the least).
At the same time, cable channels like ABC Family, Bravo, Comedy Central, HGTV, Lifetime, Oxygen, Sci Fi Channel, TBS, TNT and USA have each enjoyed huge bumps in viewership in the first quarter of 2008. Many, in fact, enjoyed the most successful month in their histories in April.
Which means viewers aren't tuning out of TV in favor of the Internet, as conventional wisdom would have it. They're just migrating from the broadcast networks, which cost exponentially more to operate than their cable cousins, even though the difference in their respective ratings numbers are dwindling on an almost weekly basis.
"If ever in the history of the medium the broadcast networks needed a few good hits, this is the time," says Robert Thompson, founding director of Syracuse University's Bleier Center for Television and Popular Culture. "But even if they find them, given the new economic models in the industry these days, how do they pay for them? Can you afford to do that anymore?"
Due to the writers strike, most networks won't have many new shows to unveil this week. They'll continue to develop programming through the summer. Fox, with two high-profile projects with celebrated showrunners - Joss Whedon's "Dollhouse" and J.J. Abrams' "Fringe" - will fine-tune both with an eye toward debuting them in early 2009.
"We knew we didn't need a lot in the fourth quarter, so we didn't have to rush projects or make hasty decisions," says Beckman of Fox, which airs baseball's World Series but otherwise tends to get off to a slow start in the fall. "Our needs for fall are minimum. ... We can fail in the fourth quarter and have failure-proof shows in "(American) Idol" and "24" in January and beyond, which gets us back on track."
Other networks, however, have gotten skittish and rushed some new shows into production, ordering up drama presentations, which are usually about half the length of a regular pilot.
"Initially, they weren't going to do anything because nothing was ready, but in the course of three weeks this spring, there was this slate of stuff they wanted to produce," says a TV producer speaking on the condition of anonymity. "The list multiplied out of nowhere. Some didn't have completed scripts, but they wanted to shoot in three weeks. It was haphazard. One show that's on the air couldn't get its guest cast hired because everyone waiting to hear if they got pilots.
"What we'll end up producing are some half-baked shows that are not as well thought-out as they should be," the producer continues. "They're racing through production, but if you're on a deadline to make advertisers happy, are you going to make them happy with something half-baked? It's like doing your homework the night before the project is due. I haven't heard any kind of positive buzz on anything that's been in production. Usually you hear about one or two or three things that people are high on, but this year, I've heard nothing except what a mess everything has been to get to this finish line."
The producer insists, "In the wake of the writers strike, you need to spend more time getting it right. Otherwise, you'll lose more audience, and then, what the hell was the point of the strike? You're not making anything that'll make money because it won't be on the air long enough."
But Rob Roy Thomas, a writer/producer/director (Fox's "Free Ride," Bravo's "Significant Others"), isn't surprised by the confusion and mixed messages prefacing this week's upfront presentations.
"This is like a market crash and the markets are resetting themselves right now," he says. "Things are getting redefined and we're in middle of that process. When you're in a state of redefinition, there's nothing surprising about chaos. But we're always surprised by chaos."
Thomas believes the ad agencies will be sympathetic to the networks' paroxysms while undergoing change.
"After all that has happened, will the buyers expect anything else? They know what they're getting into," he says. "The networks are in transition and not sure which way they're going to go - they're used to constants and they're dealing now with variables. They're going to have to lump it and get through this metamorphosis. They'll lose some money along the way. Even though it's financially difficult and scary, it's never been more interesting."
And though some say network TV is a victim of burgeoning technologies, Thomas says that with time, it will survive thanks to the new technologies, as it learns just how to embrace the Internet.
"Right now, network TV is a patient," he says. "We just have to keep it alive and comfortable until the new technological kidney comes in."
]]>Or, you could choose to meld these disparate approaches and marvel at how one of the richest men in the universe has become so by reveling in such crass, debasing, utterly politically incorrect and, yes, pretty much devastatingly hilarious gags.
For the uninitiated, MacFarlane created the cartoon show "Family Guy," a funny show that becomes exponentially funnier when you hear about religious groups' complaints about it, which Fox cancelled not once but twice before this past week shoveling a cool $100-mill into his lap to keep doing it (and developing other shows, besides, for the next four years). MacFarlane also provides the voice of the show's clueless protagonist, portly (to be kind) Peter Griffin, as well as a host of other characters; Borstein plays Peter's long-suffering-to-the-point-that-it-becomes-eternally-suffering wife, Lois.
So anyway. Saturday night's concert, MacFarlane and Borstein explained, was something you'd experience if you shuffled through "a retard's iPod." They also worked off a vague alphabetical conceit, as well, crooning tunes with titles from A to Z, though adherence to their concept with letters such as L, V and Z were pretty sketchy, at best.
One of the evening's recurring jokes was performing songs inappropriately, offering a Vegas hack's stylings to the theme to "Animal House" or Journey's "Don't Stop Believing." (MacFarlane did his best Dean Martin impersonation, sitting on a stool, smoking cigs and quaffing Jack Daniels, throughout the event.)
But then, pretty much everything was inappropriate, if you have any taste. It's hard to precisely finger the most tasteless moment, but it was probably one of these:
* Borstein protesting MacFarlane singing "Edelweiss," saying her family included Holocaust victims. MacFarlane replied, "I don't think this is a place to bring your Hebrew baggage."
* Borstein performing Diana Ross' "Upside Down" in Marlee Matlin's slurred speaking voice. MacFarlane then asked the sign interpreters how they conveyed said slurring in their signing.
* In a version of the mawkish Barbra Streisand/Neil Diamond ditty "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" rewritten for Peter and Lois, MacFarlane and Borstein lamented very specific sexual acts that the drifting couple no longer performed on one another.
MacFarlane also did "Rocket Man" as "Family Guy's" Stewie, channeling William Shatner. They performed Queen's theme song from the movie "Flash Gordon" only to point out how sh!tty it was - so bad that they got bored and wandered offstage, where Borstein purported serviced Seth with some oral sex. Britney Spears, Monty Python, the Bee Gees, Lindsay Lohan, "The Little Mermaid," Blondie, Tina Turner and the Muppets came victim to their show's assault. The number of obscure TV themes MacFarlane offered up called into question just how much of his youth was wasted on crap TV.
Oh, and Borstein revealed she was pregnant. It wasn't until after intermission that MacFarlane realized she wasn't just doing some sort of shtick.
I've heard the term "painfully funny," but I didn't really understand it until Saturday night - my herniated disk and sciatica had returned with a vengeance, so every time I laughed I suffered a sharp, shooting pain. But not laughing wasn't exactly an option.
Janeane Garofalo opened the evening. "I would rather take a salt bullet to the knee than see 'Made of Honor,'" she declared, not unreasonably. Noting that she had a role in "24" this season before the writers strike (it'll return next year), Garofalo probably gave up more information than the producers would have liked: She'll play an FBI agent who can out-hack the show's resident computer expert, Chloe. Oh, and "Jack's gone rogue," but then, Jack always goes rogue. She explained what little she could make of the show: "Jack Bauer's an important guy and he gives people his word a lot."
And something else that'll endear her to the producers: "I don't watch this sh!t." They had shot nine episodes before the strike; expect her character to die a horrible death by episode 11.
]]>Yes, seriously. April Fools was weeks ago. This is the first pickup at HBO since Sue Naegle replaced Carolyn Strauss as the head of programming.
"Hung," per Variety, "revolves around a well-endowed man who is plodding along in middle age as a struggling father and high school coach. The character was once a high school sports legend, and his luck returns when he figures out a way to use his best asset." At least it doesn't seem to have any psychiatrists.
This will come to us courtesy Colette Burson, who - again no joke - directed a film back in 2000 entitled "Coming Soon." According to Variety, it grossed all of $3,742.00. She also wrote an episode of "The Riches," and so her husband, "Riches" creator Dmitry Lipkin is also attached, as is director and Oscar-winning screenwriter Alexander Payne ("Sideways").
Lipkin called "Hung" "a comedy with a lot of heart." And a lot of something else, too, obviously.
I can't wait to see the reviews for this in family newspapers.
Feel free to direct all d!ck jokes to the comments section.
]]>"Sure, she'd be welcomed in the magazine. Very pretty lady," sez Hugh, with the attendant Rowwwrrrr going unspoken but understood. Hef, Hef - the problem wasn't that Miley had too much on in the photo. Hefner did allow that she'd have to be of legal age to appear in his glamorous smutrag - again, Hef, the whole problem was that she isn't of legal age. Pay attention.
Hef also declared, "I think to make such a big to-do over something as innocent as those photos, I think is a reflection on how schizophrenic America is about sexuality." Well, innocent, as opposed to the sort of photography he trucks in.
*
This intentionally vague Email arrived this afternoon:
"Please join us on Monday, May 12 at 12 p.m. ET for a special announcement regarding NBC's 'Late Night.'"
Alas, the location was 30 Rock in Manhattan, so I must send my regrets. But this likely means that Jimmy Fallon, who was "SNL's" smirky "Weekend Update" co-anchor who stood alone in laughing at his own material before Seth Meyers and has been long-rumored to be Conan O'Brien's replacement when Conan ascends to "The Tonight Show" next year, can put that abysmal movie career behind him and take a nightly ratings beatdown from Craig Ferguson.
*
Finally, I have no idea what this is about, but The Washington Post's Dana Milbank reports that Congressional Republicans officially hate their mothers:
"On Wednesday afternoon, the House had just voted, 412 to 0, to pass H. Res. 1113, 'Celebrating the role of mothers in the United States and supporting the goals and ideals of Mother's Day,' when Rep. Todd Tiahrt (R-Kan.), rose in protest.
"'Mr. Speaker, I move to reconsider the vote,' he announced.
"Rep. Kathy Castor (D-Fla.), who has two young daughters, moved to table Tiahrt's request, setting up a revote. This time, 178 Republicans cast their votes against mothers.
"It has long been the custom to compare a popular piece of legislation to motherhood and apple pie. Evidently, that is no longer the standard. Worse, Republicans are now confronted with a John Kerry-esque predicament: They actually voted for motherhood before they voted against it."
Sheesh. Happy Mother's Day.
]]>But, good news! This announcement came with some of the most hyperbolic press-release gibberish we've seen in months:
Some guy from NBC: "We are certain that the loyal 'Heroes' fans will feel that these figures reflect the action and excitement of the series." Yeah, seven-inch-tall chunks of plastic really wind me up with their visceral recreations of spectacular sequences - oh, wait.
Some guy from the toy company stamping these things out: "NBC has a rich and proud history and Mezco is very excited to become a part of that tradition. Having our first series of seven inch 'Heroes' action figures on display at the storied '30 Rock' building in New York City is truly a dream come true for us and seeing the excitement of the 'Heroes' fans as they view the figures makes the dream all the more sweeter." Man, dreams really aren't what they used to be.
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"Dario Spina, who handles [integrated marketing] for MTV's entertainment channels like Comedy Central and Spike, said ... 'That's the idea here; we want to blur the lines between the commercial breaks and the entertainment content.'"
Call me antiquated and old-fashioned, but I prefer having the option to mute the TV when the commercials come on so I can watch little wacky online films featuring Hillary Clinton trying to operate a coffee machine or Maria Bamford being exquisitely neurotic or Tim Fite smashing flowerpots or Tom Waits being Tom Waits. I don't want to be told to buy something I don't need, unless it's sweet, sweet booze.
The only example of this sinister plot I've witnessed is Stephen Colbert hawking a snack chip he clearly holds in at least a little disdain on "The Colbert Report" (Comedy Central is part of the MTV networks). I doubt other shows manage their plugs with such curdled irony.
Does everything have to be commercialized? It sickens me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to snack on some delicious Trader Joe's© pinwheels - which will I have? BBQ Chicken Breast or Havana Style? I'll let you know later!
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Here's a shocker: Media outlets have been reticent to follow a New York Times report (which we previously mentioned) about how media outlets were played for dupes by "military analysts" who were actually shills for the Iraq war. Actually, they're just taking a page from the Bush Administration playbook - if you don't 'fess up to a mistake, then it never happened.
]]>I won't bore you with the details of the study, but the Project for Excellence in Journalism compared Stewart's show to the traditional news media's coverage of sundry issues, and found:
* "When Americans last year were asked to name the journalist they most admired, showing up at No. 4 on the list was a comedian. Jon Stewart, host of 'The Daily Show' on Comedy Central and former master of ceremonies at Academy Award shows, tied in the rankings with anchormen Brian Williams, Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather and cable host Anderson Cooper."
* "In its use of news video, The Daily Show is often quite documentary, culling through archives to show official hypocrisy, abuse of language, and spin. ... In its choice of topics, its use of news footage to deconstruct the manipulations by public figures and its tendency toward pointed satire over playing just for laughs, The Daily Show performs a function that is close to journalistic in nature--getting people to think critically about the public square."
* "'The Daily Show' not only assumes, but even requires, previous and significant knowledge of the news on the part of viewers if they want to get the joke. ... The survey also suggests 'Daily Show' viewers are highly informed, an indication that 'The Daily Show' is not their lone source of news. Regular viewers of 'The Daily Show' and 'The Colbert Report' were most likely to score in the highest percentile on knowledge of current affairs."
* "The presidential campaign and the policy debate about the war in Iraq, together added up to a quarter of the time spent on 'The Daily Show' (26%) for the year (2007, remember). This was significantly more than in the mainstream press, where the two stories commanded 18% in the same time period. ... Washington-related pieces, U.S. foreign affairs (especially the Bush Administration's Iraq war policy), and general politics accounted for 47% of the show's airtime in 2007. In that regard, by the numbers The Daily Show closely resembles in its topic agenda the news menu of many cable 'news' shows."
* "'The Daily Show' is clearly impacting American dialogue. ... Some of the show's sway as an information source could also come from language, and the sense that it is more candid, and thus somehow closer to one sense of accuracy than the more hidebound traditional media. 'My students tell me they read the news for facts, but they watch Jon Stewart for the truth,' Professor Steve Lacy of Michigan State University has observed."
Hence, PEJ's study concluded: "In its subject matter, 'The Daily Show' is indeed journalistic. Its topic agenda is highly focused on the public square, on issues of significance, particularly those focused around Washington. Its agenda is not dissimilar, indeed, from other cable talk shows. The language is even more blunt, and its point often more direct. 'The Daily Show' is no doubt entertainment, but it is entertainment, measurably, with a substantive point. It is, in its own way, another kind of No Spin Zone."
Bill O'Reilly, who dismisses "Daily Show" viewers as "pot-smokers," no doubt will love being compared to Stewart. He should be that talented.
]]>So the most recent issue has been sitting around my place for nearly a week, and I've just now managed to coax myself into looking at it. And I looked at the cover, and that's about as far as I've been able to get. The headlines are idiotic.
For a "Grey's Anatomy" cover story, the headline reads: "Why is Ellen Pompeo smiling? Because her hit show is finally getting good again." Actually, it's because she's posing for a photo shoot, and smiling is generally what you do for one of those, and anyway, she doesn't look all that happy to begin with.
The other headlines: "Miley Cyrus: Get off her back!" (actually, people getting off on her back is what got her in trouble in the first place); "American Idol: Inside Their Fiercest Battle" (which no doubt explains why the show's ratings and buzz have slipped this season); and "Gossip Girl: Evil Has a New Name" (and EW actually likes "Gossip Girl;" this is only their fifth or sixth story on the show this season, which is really paying off, given that this week's episode was watched by a measly 2.1 million viewers - The CW's "Reaper" had nearly 2.5 million viewers last night, and without the benefit of a splashy new ad campaign).
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AMC today announced it's renewing "Breaking Bad" for a second season, after its truncated (by the writers strike) second season. "Breaking Bad" is that nasty little inspired drama/black comedy starring Bryan Cranston as a beleaguered chemist with cancer who decides to fortify his pathetic health-care plan by eliminating the health of patrons and competitors of his spanking-new crystal-meth business. So, with this and "Mad Men," AMC's officially on a roll. Thoughts, HBO?
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Miss those fun days of the writers strike? Fear not: Actors and producers are conspiring in their squabbling to plunge us back into those halcyon days of inactivity and gutting L.A.'s economy.
Per the AMPTP: "Negotiations were thrust into reverse by SAG's persistent refusal to acknowledge that the three deals already struck with the writers, directors and AFTRA reflect the economic realities faced by everyone in our industry, including actors."
Per SAG: "The AMPTP suspended negotiations with the Screen Actors Guild today over the objections of SAG's negotiating committee.The committee had urged that the AMPTP continue discussion and had offered to negotiate around the clock if necessary in order to secure an agreement."
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Fox's Monday-Tuesday schedule is a head-scratcher. They've kept "Hell's Kitchen" on Tuesdays after "American Idol," where it loses about half the audience. "House," meanwhile, is on Monday, where it's hardly struggling but is certainly not doing the business it has done on Tuesdays, where it'd reliably lure 18-23 million viewers after "American Idol." (Repeats of "House" have spent the season plugging any timeslot hole in Fox's schedule - do people realize these are new episodes and that it's been relocated?)
]]>Here's why: Because while watching, you can imagine the lurid, Axe-Body-Gel-TV-Commercial levels of lustily frenzied sexual tension between the meteorologists.
The Smoking Gun has a piquant little yarn about a sexual harassment suit that the Weather Channel is trying to keep quiet (obviously, not too successfully). Bob Stokes, a 50-year-old former Weather Channel anchor, was canned after arbitration found that he asked a 38-year-old co-anchor, "Will you lick my swizzle stick?", "leered at her chest, and followed her into the women's dressing room. He also allegedly questioned her 'over and over again, non-stop' about her sex life, and once noted, 'It tortures me when you wear those heels and skirt.'"
This is inconveniently becoming public as the channel is up for sale. I say this makes it an irresistible new landscape of Caligulan debauchery for the guy behind the American Apparel ad campaigns.
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