Field Matters

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Andy Holzman/Los Angeles Daily News

With the season-opener less than two weeks away, let’s hope USC takes care of that dried-out strip of grass around the 20-yard line without using green paint.

35 thoughts on “Field Matters

  1. I don’t know if I can get over the green paint.

    Let’s just postpone the season until the grass problem is fixed, the shiny helmets are completely ready and we have a full-fledged commitment from USC officials that detailed, uncensored stats will be distributed to the public after every scrimmage.

  2. i see it! i see that disturbing, disgusting, unsightly, dried-out strip of grass!!! how could they do that during a real-life scrimmage!! we’re lucky that someone didn’t slip, or that someone didn’t get stabbed in the lower thigh by one of those evil, spiny blades. I HATE THEM!!! strips of brown grass are evil and must be stopped.

  3. you’re not going to believe this: i went outside my trailer and found another strip of brown grass — right outside the trailer door!!!! i totally freaked out and went to my yellow pages and searched for some kind of remedy. now, Mr. Wolf, you suggest green paint. is that right? will that last long enough? what if i step in the paint? will i have a dirty, green tootsie? I HATE STRIPS OF BROWN GRASS! i never even noticed them before. i actually looked at the picture and didn’t notice it until he pointed it out. ohhhhhh strips of brown grass!!!! why do you exist??

  4. so i did it!!! it took me about 9 hours, but i painted each individual blade of grass outside my trailer. it’s sooooo greeen!!!! it changes that strip of brown grass into a lovely strip of green…wait!!! my ferret just…. ohhhh….

  5. well, i now have a green ferret! you know who i blame? STRIPS OF BROWN GRASS!!!!

  6. update: they’re everywhere. i see them on front lawns and park grounds…i even saw one in my laundry!!!!! what can be done about this!!!

  7. you know what i did?? stole a fire truck. i am going to stop this evil scourge that seems to be taking over Southern California!! i will squirt and paint and douse and slather and dribble and brush.

  8. so i am driving on the 210 and look out the window…know what i saw? a giant mountain of brown outside my window. it was soooooo brown. soooooo dry….soooo strippy….so un-green-grassy!!!!!!! but i am out of water in my fire truck.

  9. apparently there is water underground and i can tap into the water through these hydrant-deals. anybody!!! please help me. dry strips. sooooo dry and un-green.

  10. admission: i lied. i knew about the strip of brown grass i did. i knew. i looked for a way, Mr. Wolf. i didn’t want you to see it ‘cuz i knew it would wound you sooooo deeply. you love green. you do.

  11. ohhhh i can’t take the guilt. i tried to solve it. i looked for free water that i could spill, could direct toward that evil dried-out strip of grass. i searched and searched. where is free water???

  12. i knew there was water underground, but how do i tap into that sweet reserve of green-maker!!! how do i get underground?? how do i bring it up. a well? do i drop a bucket into a well like Mary in Little House on the Prairie?

  13. i cracked a pipe. it spilled. wrong. i get mixed up!!!! i’m so sorry!!!! it was the wrong university!!!! ugggghhhhhh i blame dried-out strips of grass for cluttering my brain!!!!

  14. how do i connect the big blue watery thing near Santa Monica and that damn dried-out strip of grass?????

  15. so i searched dried-out strips of grass on the interweb. i saw weird things.

  16. nevermind. i misspelled “strips”. note: did you know that Bea Arthur used to dance at the Body Shop?

  17. Mr. Wolf, listen to this propaganda that Jerry Brown is putting out about dried-out strips of grass. he actually said the following: “One of the most important things that you have to have happen is that people need to use less water, and there’s nothing more powerful than a governor declaring an emergency.”

  18. now they are saying this b.s. Mr Wolf: “Rivers are running low. The snowpack is meager. And communities across California are worried about having sufficient water for homes, businesses and farmland. The dry weather also has increased the wildfire threat, with record acreage burning this month, including a 1,700-acre blaze that continues to char the hills above Los Angeles.”

  19. are these silly pumpkins invested in the dried-strips of brown grass business??? i bet.

  20. i couldn’t stop laughing at this one: “We are in an unprecedented and very serious situation,” Brown said, as he stood beside charts highlighting the deteriorating water situation. “It’s important to awaken all Californians to the serious matter of drought and the lack of rain.”

  21. as if. what are we supposed to do??? actually live with these dried hell strips??? not me, i tell you. and not Mr. Wolf.

  22. anybody notice that our governor’s last name is BROWN????? he probably like dried-strips of grass.

  23. I think that ucla should be put in jail for the water they wasted. If they are going to fine people for ice water challenges then I guess there will be no gatorade showers right?

  24. MR. “BROWN” was responsible for this brown poo: During a speech at an environmental sustainability conference in Brentwood, Brown said he was calling on all Californians and municipal water agencies “to do everything humanly possible to conserve.”

  25. That DUMP, the COLI, is a horrible place for football.. It was designed for Track and Field and some TIGHTWADS decided to mickey mouse the facility and turn it into a football venue…and did a lousy job. No matter how much $$$$$$ you dumb bells pour into that dilapidated piece of junk (Millions every year?), it’s still a piece of junk that should have been demolished years ago. The residents of the State of California THANK YOU for taking it off our hands. It’s kind of like putting lipstick on a pig.
    Oink Oink, and Fit Un!

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