Answer Tuesday! (SG Forum)

Q: President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas and there have been numerous theories over the years behind this unsolved mystery. Natalie Nelson keeps showing her support for Texas and numerous media outlets are claiming Ms Nelson is part of a Texas conspiracy. Your thoughts?

A: There is a Texas conspiracy, all right. And it's from the BCS for keeping Texas out of the Big 12 title game when the Longhorns defeated the two teams in the championship game (Oklahoma, Missouri). The Longhorns are about a second from being undefeated and they could be the odd man out for the BCS title game.

Q: Is the person who is disputing Tricia Pillsbury's college major happen to be one of the Song Girls from this decade? Is this person trying to sabotage Ms Pillsbury's credibility by claiming she instead majored in one of the joke majors this decade's Song Girls overwhelmingly majored in, namely sociology or communications?

A: Yes, you nailed it. It is a jealous former song girl. And I'm about ready to launch a major investigation because this involves my major. I should immediately track down my advisors, who neglected to tell me that classes with Tricia Pillsbury existed and I would have never complained about the tuition at USC if she were in the same class.

Q: Are you surprised Michael Jackson allowed the reinstatement of the old politically incorrect title of "Song Girls" over the politically correct name of "Song Leaders" which existed for about 15 or so years? It just seems like something he would vehemently oppose and does not seem like something he would be fine with, does it?

A: Yes, I am stunned. And I was unaware of this development. Let me take a moment to say right now that the new USC cheerleading squad are true class and I think they take a back seat to no one among the USC spirit groups.