After my Oct. 24 column, “Fall — the most wonderful, terrible time of year,” I received the following email from reader Linda Rau. I’m thinking I should hire her as my press agent …
Because you are the FUNNIEST MOST LAUGH INDUCING newspaper comic in the Inland Empire, you deserve to be elevated to that Royal position of EMPEROR WEEKS of San Bernardino County!!!
Who knows, you may even have ambitions to become Emperor of California and you may increase them beyond that. EMPEROR JOHN WEEKS, who keeps us laughing WEEK after WEEK after WEEK!!! After all, we need not just a few, but many laughs – continually.
Shall we call it comic relief?
Speaking of which, we need lots of relief living here in the most WONDERFUL, most TERRIBLE part of the United States – not to mention the world!
What if, just what if, the world had an Emperor that actually made us laugh all the time, instead of feeling mad, angry, frustrated, disappointed, suspicious, not to mention tax and economy fatigued, WEEK after miserable WEEK.
That is why we should have a world-wide election for the funniest most laughable, tax and fatigue free Emperor of the entire world, maybe the entire galaxy. The contenders would have to appear on Laugh-In, or other comic venue and be elected by the highest rating on a laugh meter. Of course they would have to travel every day to new villages, states, territories, countries etc. and that would take a lot of campaign money, so we would have to pay dearly just to get a lot of good laughs.
But it would be worth it, because we would all feel better all the time and we’d be celebrating Hallow e’en, by instead of being scared out of our wits from all the scary kids trying to get treats – or else – we would be so busy laughing we would be handing out jokes along with all that candy to the kiddies.
Then, at Thanksgiving, we would all be thankful for the jokes and laughs during the year.
At Christmas, we’d be exchanging comics and other funny things as gifts, just so we could all make each other laugh, and save lots of money at the same time, and what a relief that would be! To heck with Scrooge, and then even he couldn’t resist laughing!
And, after Christmas, on January first, there would be floats in the Rose Parade representing all the funniest authors and newspaper columns and comic books of all time. And by the way, the Grand Marshall would of course be, JOHN WEEKS, EMPEROR OF THE INLAND EMPIRE, and of the World and Galaxy!
But then comes the 10th and 15th of April…Aaaargh!!! But then, after all, we would all know we could depend on EMPEROR WEEKS for a lot of good laughs!!!