JUST REIGN OVER ME, BABY

Posted on December 18, 2007 by John Weeks

Ontario’s new pro hockey team has chosen a name, and it’s a weird one.
Reign.
It’s one of those words that can be a verb, or it can be a noun. Here is a sample sentence that uses the word both ways. I will reign as Emperor of the Inland Empire, and my reign will last forever. First a verb, then a noun.
There are other teams in professional sports — a few — that have weird names that can be nouns or verbs.
The Arena Football League has the Colorado Crush and the Chicago Rush, for example. Minor League Baseball has the Altoona Curve and the Greenville Drive. Crush, Rush, Curve, Drive. They can be verbs, or they can be nouns.
I’m guessing that all these teams think of their names as being nouns. After all, that’s what team names traditionally are. Nouns.
Cubs. Bears. Bulls.
Nouns.
The Ontario Reign probably is a noun, too. But the team could have avoided confusing its fans — or at least one of its fans, me — by choosing a more decisive name.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally get the concept behind the Reign name. We live in the Inland Empire. In every empire there is a reign.
Reigning over an empire is a vigorous, forceful activity that should lend itself splendidly to the naming of a sports team.
In fact, the Ontario Emperors would have been a perfect choice, except, ahem, for one little detail.
As presumptive Emperor of the Inland Empire, I have the Emperor name locked up.
They would have to pay me huge royalties. Or make me team captain.
No worries, though. There are plenty of other, more available names that convey the same sense of reigning over an empire.
And, no, Reigners is not one of them. The Ontario Reigners. No, that’s not even a word.
But how about the Ontario Rulers, or the Ontario Sovereigns, or the Ontario Potentates, or the Ontario Overlords? No, wait, how about the Ontario Dictators, the Ontario Despots, the Ontario Tyrants?
Now we’re talking hockey!

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  • http://caerico@yahoo.com EricO

    I posted this on The Daily Bulletin’s blog back in December, I thought you might like to enjoy.

    “OK…I’ll accept the naming idea of tying Kings to Empires. However, I believe we are limited by Democracy in coming up with a fitting name for a monarchy. Probably because we just don’t know. Maybe if we looked at this through the eyes of a Brit. (Not the Spears variety!)The first question that comes to mind is, “What is an up and coming king?” That’s right a prince. But the Ontario Princes? That’s one letter away from standing on a Rose Parade float. There are Knights, Lords, or Dukes. Perhaps the Ontario Earls? I’m kind of partial to the Ontario Knights. There’s a lot of marketing opportunity in this name. i.e: The knights of the ice table, the Stick in the Stone, Knight time in Ontario…Imagine the scenes that could be played on the “jumbotron.” Everything from Monty Python to Sean Connery/Richard Gere to Heath Ledger. Do you want to see the coolest goalie mask in all of hockey? Make one that looks like a Knight’s armored helmet. And his stick painted to look like “Excaliber.” How cool would that be?

    But I digress. Viceroy? Governors? Ministers? Viscount? High Steward?
    Until I see a logo, a uniform, a banner, something that says to me, “It is done,” I shall, as a Knight, continue to fight for the common people of the Empire of the King(s).”

  • EricO

    “OK…I’ll accept the naming idea of tying Kings to Empires.

    However, I believe we are limited by Democracy in coming up with a fitting name
    for a Monarchy. Probably because we just don’t know. Maybe if we looked at
    this through the eyes of a Brit. (Not the Spears variety!)

    The first question that comes to mind is, “What is an up and coming king?” That’s right, a Prince. But the Ontario Princes? That’s one letter away from standing on a Rose Parade float. There are Knights, Lords, or Dukes. Perhaps the Ontario Earls?

    I’m kind of partial to the Ontario Knights. There’s a lot of marketing opportunity in this name. i.e: The knights of the ice table, the Stick in the Stone, Knight time in Ontario…Imagine the scenes that could be played on the “jumbotron.” Everything from Monty Python to Sean Connery/Richard Gere to Heath Ledger. Do you want to see the coolest goalie mask in all of hockey? Make one that looks like a Knight’s armored helmet. And his stick painted to look like “Excaliber.” How cool would that be?

    But I digress. Viceroy? Governors? Ministers? Viscount? High Steward?

    Until I see a logo, a uniform, a banner, something that says to me,
    “It is done,” I shall, as a Knight, continue to fight for the common people
    of the Empire of the King(s).”