THE 12 CRAZY DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

When it was decided that The Sun would run a “12 Days of Christmas” countdown, with a daily photo inspired by the classic Christmas carol, staffers were invited to suggest ideas.
I chipped in ideas for all 12, and a couple of them were used. I think.
Here they are:

12 drummers drumming: Let’s get 12 Indian drummers from the San Manuel Reservation, or 12 rock drummers from local bands, or 12 people in a conference room drumming their fingers on the table top, or 12 people chowing down on 12 drumsticks.

11 pipers piping: We get cake decorators piping frosting on a cake, or 11 bagpipers from the local Highlander Society, or 11 students smoking pipes at a hookah bar.

10 lords a-leaping: We assemble 10 images of the actor Jack Lord leaping in various scenes from his TV show “Hawaii 5-0.” (OK, this is a weird one.)

9 ladies dancing: We shoot a picture of nine ladybugs on a leaf. Maybe they’re dancing. Maybe they’re not. Who’s going to know the difference?

8 maids a-milking: Uh, we pair eight cartons of Minute Maid orange juice with eight cartons of milk?

7 swans a-swimming: We put seven copies of a “Swan Lake” LP in a toilet, and take the picture.

6 geese a-laying: Can we find six images of legendary baseball relief pitcher Rich “Goose” Gossage laying down a bunt? (I know. Weird.)

5 golden rings: We take a photo of five gold-colored cell phones.

4 calling birds: We find four bird whistles and take a nice picture of them.

3 French hens: We shoot a still life showing three roast turkeys or chickens wearing berets.

2 turtle doves: Two bottles of Turtle wax paired with 2 bars of Dove soap? (OK, I’m getting desperate here.)

And a partridge in a pear tree: We go to Rhino Records and buy a used Partridge Family LP. And then we hang it in a pear tree.