My television (OK, so it’s cable access) debut

 It’s pouring rain! I thought it I left all that cruddy weather behind in my college days at Syracuse University. But noooo! And I have to drive out to East Los Angeles! I’m a Queen, I deserve a chauffeured limo. Oh well, it should be worth the journey, I’m going to appear on the popular cable access show, “Horror Kung Fu Theater.”


I arrive early at the studio and take over the green room which doubles as a dressing room. I have selected a gown with a rock and roll touch, plus some spikey jewelry for effect.

The show’s host, Nightshadow, comes in shaking off the rain. He greets me and asks me if I brought music and am ready to show how I won the Queen try-outs.

Camera’s rolling. Nightshadow introduces me and his co-host and other guests try to give me a bad time. They’re outta luck. I used to co-host a cable show and am used to being live and unscripted. Ha ha!

It’s time for my act. I’m introduced and the strains of Rob Zombie’s “Dracula” roll in. I use my veil and all three of my swords and wish I picked an even shorter song. Time seems to drag when you’re dancing solo! But I make it through and Nightshadow seems pleased.

I autograph a couple of photos for Nightshadow and the studio’s star wall (I am a star now too, you know), thank everyone, change and head back into the rain for my drive to the office. Yeah, yeah, I may be the Queen, but I’ve still gotta make my rent.

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