The Legend of Juraj Mikus, Part II

There’s a report out of Europe that, once translated, indicates that the Kings have signed forward Juraj Mikus to a contract, and that the agreement includes some type of clause for Mikus to return to Europe. You might remember that Mikus was the Slovakian forward invited to the developmental camp this month.

The Kings have not, at least officially, signed Mikus, although they appear to be heading down that road. There’s a lot of NHL red tape that has to be dealt with in issues such as this one. I’m not sure, just yet, what this agreement might be, in terms of Europe, but I’m attempting to find out.

For those unfamiliar with Mikus, click here.

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  • Lucas

    He is left-handed. And right-handed. Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there. He once knew a call was a wrong number, even though the person on the other end wouldn’t admit it. You can see his charisma from space. He’s a lover, not a fighter, but he’s also a fighter…He is Juraj Mikus.

  • JB

    Lucas- I think you’ve started a new debate/contest.

    He once blocked a puck with his face, just to see how it feeled. He makes a pirouette look manly… He is Juraj Mikus

  • kasket

    Juraj Mikus once visited the virgin islands, they are now called the islands.

  • Damen

    Actually the Kings haven’t signed Mikus; Juraj Mikus has signed the Kings.

  • Pat McGroyn

    Juraj Mikus is the new Jason REPKO…

  • JDM

    Juraj Mikus has perfect teeth. When he its, his food chews itself. He had a cavity once, but when it found out whose mouth it was in, it apologized and left.

    Photos of his beard have been published in magazines as pictures of the rainforest.

    He once performed a c-section with nothing but a wooden spoon, and he didn’t leave a scar.

    A species of butterfly has evolved with his face on its wings. Within a week, the butterfly was at the top of the food chain.

  • HBfan13

    Juraj refers to himself in the fourth person

  • JDM

    oy, should read, “Juraj Mikus has perfect teeth. When he EATS, his food chews itself.”

  • Damen

    Juraj Mikus does not sweat, his jersey cries tears of joy.

  • darko25o

    Superman wears Juraj Mikus pajamas to bed

  • iansez

    When Juraj Mikus orders a salad he gets the dressing right there on top, where there is no turning back…

  • Cynic

    Juraj doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

    Juraj once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

    Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1JMSSht (Juraj Mikus Slap Shot)

    Juraj CAN believe it’s not butter.

    A picture is worth a thousand words. A Juraj Mikus is worth 1 billion words.

    (For Quisp) Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Juraj Mikus Slap Shot.

    While urinating, Juraj Mikus is easily capable of welding titanium.

    Juraj Mikus doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Juraj Mikus is Juraj Mikus.

    Juraj Mikus always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

    When taking the SAT, write “Juraj Mikus” for every answer. You will score over 8000.

    Juraj Mikus has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

    Juraj Mikus ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

    Juraj Mikus doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

    It takes Juraj Mikus 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

    Juraj Mikus IS Legendary….

  • deadmarsh

    For one game he became a Duck fan, just to see what it felt like to be stupid.

  • deadmarsh

    Juraj Mikus once ran around the world just so he could kick himself in the ass to see what it would feel like.

  • Sean

    When Juraj Minkus does push ups…. He isn’t pushing himself up… He is pushing the world down!

  • darko25o

    Chuck Norris has a poster of Juraj Mikus on his wall

  • alma

    Women do turn into burgers for him after, you know, … THAT …

  • Shakes

    Juraj Mikus once faced himself in a shootout

    In a pee wee game in Slovakia in 1993 Juraj Mikus was once received a high sticking penalty even though he was laying on the ice. Without a stick.

    Juraj Mikus could skate backwards when he was only 7 months old. In the womb.

    Everytime Juraj Mikus blinks a Duck fan becomes tolerable. Juraj dosen’t blink.

    Juraj Mikus often eats steels nails, because he likes to eat something chewy.

    Juraj Mikus gave Moses 8 of the Ten Commandments and told him to figure out the other 2 for himself.

    Juraj wrote his autobiography at the age of 5.

    Juraj didn’t learn to read, words were invented so that others could understand him.

    The Bellagio once closed because Juraj Mikus walked threateningly close to an all-you-can eat buffet. He ordered the scallops instead.

  • Otto Ped

    When Mikus takes a shower he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Mikused

  • Chris Bond

    I am so lost what the hell are you all talking about?
    is this a joke please help me….You are all freaking me out!!!hahaha

  • JDM

    One day Juraj Mikus won a 48-hour long arm-wrestling match against Chuck Norris in Eastern Asia, then won a football game in Chicago against 11 miniature Mike Ditka’s. He also scored a hat trick for the Kings that night, but he scored 2 of them during the flight over. They tried to put an asterix in the record book, but instead Juraj Mikus burned an asterix into the record keeper’s head simply by looking at him.

  • JDM

    Chris Bond,

    Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man In the World” commericlas + Chuck Norris/Mike Ditka jokes = Juraj Mikus.


    Juraj Mikus wrote the movie “The mighty ducks”, just so 15 years later he could put them to shame.

    Juraj Mikus does not have a +/- stat, he has a +/+.

    Juraj Mikus needed a goalie to shoot on, so he built a wall.

    Juraj Mikus doesnt do pushups, he pushes the earth down.

    Juraj Mikus doesnt grow a playoff beard, the hairs jump out of his face bc they know its playoff time.

    Gretzky is wearing a Juraj Mikus jersey to bed tonight.

    Juraj Mikus doesnt take shift breaks, he gives the other players a chance to play.

    Juraj Mikus’ number is already being retired before he is signed.

    Juraj Mikus is the opposite of Cloutier and LaBarbara.


    Juraj Mikus wrote the movie “The mighty ducks”, just so 15 years later he could put them to shame.

    Juraj Mikus does not have a +/- stat, he has a +/+.

    Juraj Mikus needed a goalie to shoot on, so he built a wall.

    Juraj Mikus doesnt do pushups, he pushes the earth down.

    Juraj Mikus doesnt grow a playoff beard, the hairs jump out of his face bc they know its playoff time.

    Gretzky is wearing a Juraj Mikus jersey to bed tonight.

    Juraj Mikus doesnt take shift breaks, he gives the other players a chance to play.

    Juraj Mikus’ number is already being retired before he is signed.

    Juraj Mikus is the polar opposite of Cloutier and LaBarbara.

  • BringBackKingston

    Juraj Mikus IS the reason why Kerry Fraser began wearing a helmet.

  • variable

    juraj milkus doesn’t like milk…

  • HookzNU

    The boogeyman checks under his bed everynight for Juraj Mikus.

  • alma

    Juraj IS the Fifth Element…

  • Stonewall

    After seeing Juraj in the pool for the first time, he leagally changed his name to Mikus Phelps.

  • kasket

    Juraj Mikus’s tears cure cancer…. to bad he never crys.

  • JPKelly

    Dean Lombardi, Hugh Hefner and the Dalai Lama are among the notables to sport a “J.M.” tattoo on their butts.

  • Damen

    Juraj once poured an entire bottle of Listerine in his eyes. Everyone he has made eye contact with since has forever been blessed with fresh breath.

  • vicarious

    Ziggy Palfy left the NHL to play with Juraj Mikus.

    Juraj Mikus scored from behind his own net by shooting the puck off the boards: roofed it.

    Juraj Mikus is so good playing short handed, the other team never accepts penalties if he can be on the ice.

    When the Kings signed Juraj Mikus, Anthony did not complain. Much. In public.

    Juraj Mikus rarely drinks beer. But when he does, its from the Stanley Cup.

  • Cynic

    Jim Fox doesn’t do his hair, He shows it a picture of Juraj Mikus and it Freezes into position…..FOREVER!

    Don Cherry’s suits are plain white until Juraj Mikus touches them.

    When Juraj Mikus scores a hat trick, hats are not thrown to the ice, they levitate from people’s heads are gravitationally pulled toward him.

    Juraj Mikus uses practice pucks for chewing tobacco.

    On a breakaway, when Juraj Mikus splits the defense……they DIE!

    Creases were white before Juraj Mikus crashed them.

    Notice how european ice rinks have so many advertisements on the ice? Notice how they seem to increase every game? Yep, they’re put there to cover up the permanent blood stains left by opponets of Juraj Mikus.

    The fastest slap shot ever recorded was by Juraj Mikus: Mach 7…..and he was using a toothpick!

  • my_sherpas_sandals

    Juraj Mikus has won every ebay auction he has bid on.

    He tames lions.

    Juraj eats Jalapenos raw.

    They can stop cooling the rink when Mikus plays.

    Don Cherry once asked Mikus where he got his jacket cause Don really wanted one just like it.

    Anthonyy thinks DL make a good move siging Juraj.

    Juraj IS the king of the mountains.

    John Buccigross really wants his show back so he can ask Juraj to take Barry Melrose’s place.

    Juraj can bake the most delicious cake in the world.

  • Quisp

    I don’t think there’s any way this guy isn’t going to be a disappointment.

  • JDM

    Really Quisp? I think its the opposite. How could he posibly dissapoint? At this point, if I see him play 1 game in a Kings jersey it will be a raving success and the legend of Juraj Mikus will live on.

    In fact, I think we should tape a card on the back of all our jersey’s (or shirts, I guess… but if you wear a shirt to a game, buy a damn jersey!) that read’s “Mikus”. The benefit will be three-fold. We will send out positive energy for Juraj. We will confuse many, many Kings fans who don’t read this site. Finally, we will be able to easily recognize who is a poster here. How’s that sound to everyone?

  • BringBackKingston

    Lord Stanley changed his name to Lord Mikus

  • Holt

    According the Google translation: “I don’t drink much, but when I do, I drink from the bowl of the Stanley Cup. Stay thirsty, my friend.”

  • bob

    Oh great…starting to look A LOT like LGK around here.

  • anonandonanon

    He turns into a burger after, you know, thus the perfect man. Turnabout is fair play.

    He’s indescribably better than a Double Double with grilled onions and Tommy’s chili.

    He makes Slovaks Fastvaks simply by his presence.

    Dean is no longer the “smartest man” in the room when Mikus is in there.

  • deadmarsh

    Juraj Mikus once had God ask HIM for mercy.
    Zdeno Chara once knocked himself out to avoid Juraj Mikus, they were on the same team playing for the same country.
    Juraj Mikus is the reason the country is no longer called Czechoslovakia.
    Juraj Mikus is what happend to Jimmy Hoffa.

  • deadmarsh

    Juraj Mikus once had God ask HIM for mercy.
    Zdeno Chara once knocked himself out to avoid Juraj Mikus, they were on the same team playing for the same country.
    Juraj Mikus is the reason the country is no longer called Czechoslovakia.
    Juraj Mikus is what happend to Jimmy Hoffa.

  • alma

    @JDM – I have a blank jersey. I’m in…

  • TB

    Agreed Quisp…I think he’s a great player, but man are we setting him up for very high expectations. Keep in mind, this is a guy that was let go by the Canadiens. If he’s such a talent, why’d they let him walk?

    But I do see his upside. He makes letting Boyle go much easier to accept.

  • deadmarsh

    2012, Juraj Mikus scores a Stanley Cup game 7 overtime winner against the Canadiens, the team that drafted him and Kings fans finaly get their revenge…..and he does it with a LEGAL left handed stick, Juraj Mikus is right handed.

  • TB

    …I gotta get in on this.

    He once took a slapshot to the face, just to see what it felt like

    He’s been known to make referees sit in the penalty box for making bad calls

    Donald Brashear flat out refuses to fight him

    Juraj Mikus is…the most interesting hockey player in the world

    “I don’t always play hockey, but when I do, I prefer being a King”

  • DP

    Juraj Mikus invented the internet..from playdough and chocolate sprinkles.

    Juraj Mikus ownes Star legistry.

  • jet

    Deadmarsh — sorry, but the Canadians do not have a prayer of making the cup finals by 2012.

    I am left wondering if the sit-com writers are on strike this week?

  • deadmarsh

    Ok your right just change it to Ducks in the Western Finals and add the Ducks had two goaltenders in net.

  • Crash Davis

    Rich – with your permission – I couldn’t resist. This is just too good to keep under wraps.

    Just created a FACEBOOK page for Juraj.

    “Juraj Mikus Appreciation Group”

    Feel free to post pics, news, gossip and, of course, more of the LEGEND of Juraj Mikus.

    Crash aka Craig

    PS In the spirit of fairness, I will post links to Inside L.A. Kings on this Facebook page for Juraj to drive web traffic back to Rich’s blog.

  • TXKingsfan

    I can honestly say … THIS feed is the best one ever for this site! classic

  • alma

    Even George Parros’ ‘stache is afraid of Juraj…

  • Cynic

    Juraj Mikus sharpens his blades by running them between his teeth.

    Juraj Mikus doesn’t apply tape to create the knob on the end of his stick, he squeezes it until a knob pops up.

    Juraj Mikus doesn’t actually wear hockey equipment, it’s simply a giant tattoo of hockey equipment.

    Juraj Mikus redefined the term ‘Open Ice Hit’. When Juraj Mikus hits you, the ice opens up.

    The water bottle of Juraj Mikus contains the blood of his opponets.

    The only reason FOX had the glowing pucks in 1996 is because Juraj Mikus touched each one of them before each game. To make them turn red, he simply clapped his hands.

    Juraj Mikus gave Patrick Roy his attitude.

    Juraj Mikus gave Sean Avery his sloppy seconds.

    Juraj Mikus gave Eklund…….NOTHING. That’s why he can’t predict ANYTHING!

    Rich Hammond can only go Inside The Kings because Juraj Mikus lets him.

    Helene Elliot actually dated Juraj Mikus once. She wrote an article about it. It was the only positive article ever written by her about the Kings. 😉

    JMFJ was actually a nickname tossed aside by Juraj Mikus as it sounded too much like the call letters of a radio station. JMFM.

    Patrick O’Sullivan was only called Patrick Sullivan until Juraj Mikus hit him.

    Matt Greene was actually Matt White before meeting Juraj Mikus.

    Dean Lombardioliakis’s family was actually Greek until Juraj Mikus slap shot his family into Italy, removing half his last name in the process.

    Dancing Boy (Matthew Barry) only started dancing after shaking the hand on Juraj Mikus. It took him 7 years to shake off the tingling sensation. Some people called it dancing.

    Heidi Androl was a dumpy, 172 LB, 5′ 2″ redhead with bad acne until a kiss on the cheek from Juraj Mikus made her instantly beautiful……FOREVER!

    Contrary to popular belief, Daryl Evans is NOT buff. He routinely insults Juraj Mikus so the beatings will make his body swell up. Notice the nervous tick as he holds the microphone in his interviews.

  • Chuck Norris

    Juraj is my son. Fear him.

  • Cynic

    George Parros’s Moustache was created in a fight with Juraj Mikus after one punch to the gut. He was clean shaven before the fight….

  • Duckhunter

    Finally, most people on here let loose and put on their humor glasses Agreed with Texaskingfan this is one of the better threads. All of these are funny but some are simply outstanding. Well done folks. This will keep a smile on my face all day. Wish I was witty enough to participate.

  • alma

    Twisted minds think alike :-p

  • jet

    perfect deadmarsh

  • JDM

    When Juraj Mikus wins, you lose. When Juraj Mikus loses, everyone loses. Atleast that’s the rumor, Juraj Mikus has never lost.

    Juraj Mikus is so intense, some posters on a hockey blog are intimated by the mere mention of his legend.

  • Dave in Torrance

    If Juraj took “haysie” and whatever other ass clown that calls the games for the sucks into the forest and shot slappers at them, would anyone hear them scream? would anyone even care? would haysie finally have something good to say about anyone other than a suck? I know this doesnt hold a candle to some of you other guys, but its the best I could come up with. Some of you guys are pretty damned funny, some of you others……not so much.

  • Lucas

    This is an awesome thread. I’m glad Juraj Mikus started it.

  • kasket

    Mr.T once beat Juraj Mikus in a game of checkers, as retaliation Juraj invented racism.

  • 4thlinechecker

    @ JDM, That is an awesome Idea…… It will be hilarious.

    @Crash Davis, Make sure you specify it is the Kings Mikus and not Toronto’s Mikus since they have a Juraj Mikus as well…… good idea, I cant wait until Mikus googles himself and finds this stuff.

  • vicarious

    Juraj Mikus is the only Euro who can check Dany F’in Heatley

  • Cynic

    The trapezoid behind the net was actually designed to PROTECT goaltenders from the vicious forecheck of Juraj Mikus

    Gretzky came to the NHL because Juraj Mikus wasn’t there.

    Juraj Mikus won’t allow Gary Bettman to move the Coyotes to Hamilton because he likes the warm weather 3 times a year.

    Jim Balsille got his inspiration for the name ‘Blackberry’ after Juraj Mikus stepped on his nuts and he looked down.

    Darren Pang was 6′ 4″ tall until he lost his legs at the knees attempting to stop a Juraj Mikus slap shot.

    Juraj Mikus scared Bob Miller’s combover back to it’s natural side…..FOREVER!

    Blood is thicker than water. Juraj Mikus’s blood is concrete.

    John Zeiler once picked up Juraj Mikus’s jock strap…..with a forklift!

    Anze Kopitar has never made pancakes for Juraj. Juraj Mikus eats Defensemen for breakfast.

    Juraj Mikus does not do interviews….he does REVEALMENTS.

    If Juraj Mikus had a child, that child would score 50 goals while still in the womb.

    Downtown LA was as beautiful as Beverly Hills until Juraj Mikus sneezed in that direction. Now it’s called Skid Row.

    When Juraj Mikus jumped off the Huntington Beach pier into the Pacific Ocean, there was a Tsunami warning in Hawaii.

    The polar ice shelf isn’t cracking, Juraj Mikus needed ice for his Tanqueray.

    JDM is actually honoring Juraj Mikus by using his initials as a handle with his self-imposed nickname in the middle: ‘Diggity’. (DO NOT QUESTION JURAJ MIKUS)


    Juraj Mikus is Darth Vaders Father

  • BakoCAcameraGuy

    I just don’t have the words…

  • Cynic

    ..But Juraj Mikus does. He has ALL the words.

  • Duckhunter


    You are my new hero! You are one sick individual. In a good way of course. Keep the flow my friend.

  • Stonewall

    Volcanic activity is the Earth’s way to offer Juraj Mikus new lands to conquer.

  • deadmarsh

    Juraj Mikus once volunteered to help out at the special olympics just to see what it felt like to hang out with Duck fans.


    Hi, thank you for this fantastic blog, a truly great opening for the new year, keep up the wonderful work, Sue.


    Hello there, thank you for the excellent post, a really great opening to the 2010, keep up the fantastic work, Brenda.

  • The Acne Guy

    I completely agree with everything in this post. keep up the good work

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    Honey, please do not take advice from people on YouTube, especially the radicals, who say to you, garnish your poison and you never take antidepressants. Get a good psychologist. It is medicine. It is science, medicine, and if you take it. Nobody else is healing is yours, and the medicine can certainly save your life, in conjunction with therapy.

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