But this? This is the most important of them all. With Pac-12 Media Days — schedule here — kicking off this morning, I have compiled the five best names from each team in the conference.
Without further ado …
Arizona: Sir Thomas Jackson, Antonio Smothers, Tra’Mayne Bondurant, Brogan Kemmerly, Abraham Mendivil
Not great depth here, as the latter two names sacrifice catchiness in favor of length. Still, Sir Thomas Jackson alone is an MVP candidate.
Arizona State: Ezekial Bishop, Demetrius Cherry, Zane Gonzalez, Jaxon Hood, Philip “Scooby” Wright III
Would be better if Scooby’s real first name weren’t Phillip, but otherwise still a solid quintet that lacks a superstar.
Cal: Hardy Nickerson, Avery Sebastian, Bryce Treggs, Brennan Scarlett, Maximo Espitia
A nice throwback in Hardy Nickerson, bookended by a name that makes me want to re-watch Russell Crowe take on a despotic Joaquin Phoenix.
Colorado: Thor Eaton, Sully Wiefels, Ahkello Witherspoon, Sefo Liufau, Terran Hasselbach
Going the Norse mythology route never hurts.
Oregon: Pharaoh Brown, Ifo Ekpre-Olomu, Hroniss Grasu, DeForest Buckner, Arrion Springs
Pharaoh Brown and Ifo Ekpre-Olomu make for a fantastic one-two punch, and DeForest Buckner is wonderful in its phonetic oomph.
Oregon State: Storm Woods, Hunter Jarmon, Sumner Houston, Michael Doctor, Baker Pritchford
A strong anchor in Storm Woods, while Hunter Jarmon and Sumner Houston add a bit of flavor.
Stanford: Aziz Shittu, Andrus Peat, Noor Davis, Devon Cajuste, Torsten Rotto
Lots to like here, but missing a certain je ne sais quoi. Might be that most of them don’t quite roll off the tongue.
UCLA: Adarius Pickett, Owamagbe Odighizuwa, Myles Jack, Priest Willis, Roosevelt Davis
Myles Jack has already seen enough puns on his name to last a lifetime, but the dark-horse pick here is Adarius Pickett — born to be a defensive back.
USC: Su’a Cravens, Adoree’ Jackson, Andre Heidari, Damien Mama, Victor Blackwell
Su’a Cravens is carrying the load here — with his smooth first name perfectly balancing a surname that evokes a Marvel supervillain — but his teammates aren’t shabby either.
Utah: Dacorius Law, Sharrieff Shah, Visevio “Junior” Salt, Pasoni Tasini, Westlee Tonga
Arguably the most well-rounded group in the conference. “Junior Salt” alone is a little punchier, but opting for Visevio isn’t a weak spot either.
Washington: Psalm Wooching, Budda Baker, Brandon Beaver, Azeem Victor, Dexter Charles
Psalm Wooching might be the conference MVP, while Budda Baker provides a capable second option — and forms a nice alliterative duo with Brandon Beaver.
Washington State: Hercules Mata’afa, Moritz Christ, Wes Concepcion, River Cracraft, Bryant “Squally” Canada
Hercules Mata’afa is formidable alone, but throw in Christ and Concepcion and the trio is tough to beat. River Cracraft and Squally Canada are welcome bonuses.